After a fight with a pack of wolves, a emotionally volatile tachycardic is given superhuman senses, which places him and his girlfriend in danger from an unstoppable tyrannical businessman. (Revision 2)
LeviathanSamurai
After a fight with a pack of wolves, a emotionally volatile tachycardic is given superhuman senses, which places him and his girlfriend in danger from an unstoppable tyrannical businessman. (Revision 2)
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This one is prepped and ready for work. I need the logline to be perfected before I can get it out there. All reviews are helpful. Thank you.
“When he’s targeted by a ruthless businessman who wants his powers, a teacher with the newly acquired power to read minds must use his powers to evade the egomaniac’s henchmen, or end up a lab rat for the rest of his life.”?
As mentioned in previous versions of this logline, the inciting incident in most superhero stories is actually the appearance of the villain. Until that point the hero is just standing around learning how to use his powers and, whilst awesome to watch, isn’t actually the story.
Your villain is unstoppable… he can’t be stopped. You have no story then. We need to have some idea what this bad guy is trying to achieve and why. He can’t just be a one dimensional villain who wants the hero’s powers just because he’s evil.
The girlfriend doesn’t need to be in the logline. It adds nothing.
Superhero movies are usually large scale adventures (not always). In your version, the only people in danger are the hero and his girlfriend. You need some more story in here. As it stands, after he’s attained these powers the hero and his girlfriend are simply “in danger”. They could be sitting at home watching TV together and be “in danger”. What’s actually happening and why?
Why wolves? Why is the fact that he’s a tachycardic relevant? So many elements here are disconnected – tie it all together.