Samurai
Posted: 2013-05-23T18:02:26+10:00 In:

After he steals a suitcase full of 'dirty' money, a penniless young writer struggles to escape from a street enforcer sworn to kill himself if he fails to recover the money and punish the writer.

Strife

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      I am not going to comment on the story or the premise, I am only going to take your logline and condense it a little.

      “After he steals a suitcase of ‘dirty’ money, a penniless writer must escape a ruthless street enforcer sworn to recover the money.”

      You could also say ‘evade’ instead of ‘escape’

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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    2. Singularity

      Another good polish by Richiev, but I would keep in “punish the writer”. It raises the stakes.

      In fact, I prefer the previous wording of “death” rather rather than “punish”, particularly if the writer actually faces death. It’s explicit and it raises the stakes even more.

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