Posted: 2015-06-02T09:31:55+10:00 In:

After learning that his father did not die when was 7 a prodigious investment banker sets off to find his dad, and does, at a silent monk monastery halfway across the world

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    6 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      “After discovering his father is alive, a prodigious investment banker uses his resources to track him but soondiscover’s he isn’t the only one searching and not everyone wants a happy reunion.”

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    2. Singularity

      Is the story about his journey on his way to find the father or about his dealing with his family and the father?

      The logline describes an inciting incident that motivates the MC to achieve the goal of finding his father but not the action the MC will take during act 2 which will be most of the film.

      When and where is the story set? The setting could provide an interesting set of obstacles for the MC and perhaps allude at the type of action the MC will be engaged in during most of the film.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. Mentor

      What I’d found interesting is to see a banker between monks.This situation would have a potential of conflict – I see it as a comedy, from the pov of monks who meet a money maker who troubles their spiritual life, from rejection through temptation to final synthesis.

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    4. Singularity

      There seems to be an implied thematic conflict between materialism and asceticism which, I suppose, is the hook, the idea that distinguishes this story from other father-son relationship stories. Which might be interesting/amusing. But, as noted, the logline doesn’t make clear whether the plot is about the journey to meet his father — or what happens after he does meet him. IOW: what is the central conflict that propels the story?

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    5. Samurai

      As others have said — there is no impliation of a struggle to achieve said goal… no struggle means there’s no drama –no drama, no real interest…regardless of the genre. His goal currently = Find presumed dead Father. He does. The end. Yes, he finds him in an intersting world, but that’s it. We need to know (well, at least I do…) ‘objetively’ WHY he has to find his Father, and what is the big deal (in the storyworld) in regards to the Father choosing a monastic lifestyle..? … IOW – why would the MC care that his Father is now a monk… I mean, he’s just found out he’s alive, and he has managed to find him…

      There is certainly potential for a great story with the set-up you’ve given, it’s just that at the moment the logline only delivers on the set-up… a logline needs to give us an interesting (ironically flawed) character with a clearly defined goal, with an either stated or implied risk that equates to life or death, either physically or metaphysically. With this iteration of the logline I can’t see what is at stake… And that’s vital for care factor.

      Best of luck with your future drafts.

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    6. Samurai

      impliation???… indication 😉

      intersting???… interesting. My bad.

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