Wraith
bondthewriterPenpusher
After publicly exposing his super-human abilities, an angel-hybrid teenager is hunted by his demonic half-brother who seeks to increase his power and enslave mankind.
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What is an angel-hybrid? Change the word exposing so that it you can get rid of publicly. Also change “increase”. Also wouldn’t his half-brother know that he’s half angel? Also super human abilities is implied by being half-angel. I think you might be giving too much away without enough intrigue. I see the kernel as a Dogma-type thing so make sure it sounds different than that. I can’t tell the tone: coming of age? thriller? horror?
The basis is good, you just to more clearly isolate what makes your script different than everyone else’s.
Perhaps if they weren’t brothers it would be more plausible – maybe they are from parallel worlds who are competing for dominance – at some kind of war. Maybe alien types (in human form) who fall to Earth and battle it out – fish out of water. I’m sensing this would be an action film of sorts.
Good Luck
Really enjoyed reading your logline. Who is the main character? I think it is the angel-hybrid teenager but it appears that the half brother is the one who has a strong motivation for action in your logline. Why would the half brother wait until the angel-hybrid publicly showed his powers to take action? If they are related I would assume he already knew about his powers.
An angel-hybrid teenager must risk publicly exposing his powers to prevent his demonic half-brother from enslaving mandkind.
A quick idea for a revision.
I like almiiitey’s re-write (Except for the term hybrid” that needs changed) I think it’s solid.
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On a side note, his mom really got around, ‘wink’ ‘wink’ ‘nudge’ ‘nudge’.
Must have been some party
They both have the same dad.. a fallen angel. The half-brother is more evil, hence the ‘demonic’ title I gave him for simplicity.
Basically the main character.. the teenager.. doesn’t know what he is.. just that he’s had powers he’s kept hidden his whole life. He exposes himself to save a little girl, which leads his half-brother to him. The teenager is a perfect hybrid between Angel and Human where as the half-brother is flawed, so he has resentment and wants to take his birthright of enslaving mankind.. the teenager basically learns all of this throughout the story and must over come both the half-brother and his own evil destiny.. basically a nature vs nurture story. Sins of the father infecting the son type thing..
“After a half-angel teenager publicly exposes his powers, he is hunted by his demonic half-brother who wishes to steal the birthright that the teenager knows nothing about.”