Squeeze
After she finds divorce papers, a desperate make-up artist goes to extreme measures to turn herself into her husbands ideal woman, but when she discovers that he actually dreams of becoming a woman she has to face what is really keeping them together.
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some nice re-working throughout the thread.
Just a possibly whacky idea, and not the film you’ve got on your hands… but just fwiw:
When an out of work make up artist learns her husband wants a divorce because he thinks he’s gay, she sets about becoming her husband’s perfect partner… a man.
Best of luck.
I agree, I need the right word to really describe this protagonist. She was a spunky, feisty, talented woman, but the loss of her child 5 years earlier derailed her. She is still trying to hold onto some part of her baby, so she clings to this marriage. Any thoughts on one descriptive word for that.
The new version is shorter and clearer, it’s good!
I personally don’t like “talented but derailed”, if only you could find the magic one word that can describe the character in a unique way… it would be perfect. what about “fierce make up artist”? or “unrestrainable”? or…
I like the new version of the logline and the script could be really funny. And you have an excellent ending.
Thank you all for your helpful comments.
Here is a new version-
When a talented but derailed makeup artist discovers divorce papers she desperately tries to save her marriage by transforming herself into her husbands ideal woman.
While the general rule is that a logline (and story) should have one, and only one, designated protagonist, I think there can be exceptions in relationship stories. Such as this one. The big reveal throws their relationship in crisis, compels both characters to make painful journeys of psychological transformation. I suggest that to focus on her is to miss half the story.
Hello,
the story has a potential but I reiterate the comments above: you have to choose what story is the main story and write the logline consequently. It seems to me that there are two possibilities.
A.
inciting event: divorce papers
second act: how to become his perfect woman thanks to her make up abilities
resolution: he wants to turn into a woman
In this case the logline should avoid the resolution but you should include what is the problem she encouters in the second act (without spoiling the resolution)
B.
inciting event: her husband whant to turn into a woman
second act: how she will use her make up artist abilities? To turn her into a man?
resolution: she decides to turn completely into a man and love him as a woman or she learns that she has to give up and find a new man?
The two possibilities are interesting. B is very original but hard to write. A needs to find something to build interest in the second act.
Good luck with “Squeeze”!
This sounds like an interesting story to me. May I ask, does her husband want to become a transgendered lesbian? I find her husband’s wanting a divorce but then your saying that something’s keeping them together a bit confusing.
What Richiev said.
The logline starts with one plot then at the end begins another this is confusing and the goal isn’t clear what increases the confusion. She either wants to keep their relationship or not needing to “face” something isn’t a goal but what she needs after facing the reality is a goal.
I think the MC has a great journey from becoming dependent on her husband to becoming independent. The divorce papers are a great catalyst to push her into taking one action which will eventually lead her to learn a lesson and become a better person for it.
I don’t think the plot needs anything more than that to make an interesting story. How about:
After being given divorce papers an insecure mack-up artists desperately tries to change her self to save her marriage.
Maybe add an antagonist the husbands new lover a transsexual person perhaps.
Hope this helps.
There isn’t any thing wrong with a add inciting incident in my opinion, but the second answers the reason for the first, so I think it reveals too much. However, I think it is well written and arranged.
You have given us two inciting incidents in the logline, which is making it too long.
1: She discovers divorce papers
2: She discovers her husband wants to be a woman.
I would concentrate on one or the other for the logline.