An ordinary student finds himself trapped in a room by an advanced extraterrestrial branch. In order to escape he must overcome an endless ordeal of mazes and puzzles that transcend space time

Hi Krassmir!

I have a slightly different opinion than Richiev on this one. The concept is pretty interesting and somewhat unique (“The Cube” was similar to the vision that this conjures up for me). “Saw with Aliens” was an interesting mash-up take by Richiev.

I don’t think “student” is sufficient however. I believe it is necessary to use great adjectives, especially when you are describing your protag and antags. I would also avoid ho-hum words like “pretty”, “young”, etc. Find a word that better describes their character or arc: compusive, demeaning, snake-bitten, morally-bankrupted.

I agree, though; I think you can find a better way to describe “branch”- alien race, extraterrestrial society…

I would try to keep it in one sentence, if at all possible, and under thirty words. You did well with word economy, and with a few of those changes, should be able to reduce it to one sentence.

Most importantly, the “hook” (the uniqueness of the concept” is there, so that’s a major plus! Good job.

Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge