The Room
An ordinary student finds himself trapped in a room by an advanced extraterrestrial branch. In order to escape he must overcome an endless ordeal of mazes and puzzles that transcend space time
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Extraterrestrial branch? Is that from a space tree? I would change the wording, don’t know what that means.
Even though this logline is a bit clunky, I get the sense of the movie from it. “Saw with Aliens.”
You don’t need to say ‘ordinary’ student. Just student should be fine.
‘Endless’ ordeal of mazes. You should rethink the use of the word endless (Unless at the end of the movie he is trapped for all time in the maze.
Not a bad log line. It seems to be all there except the wording.
Who: Student
Situation: trapped in a room/maze
Goal: Escape.
Bad guy: Creepy alien branch
Few minor changes and it should be good.
Hi Krassmir!
I have a slightly different opinion than Richiev on this one. The concept is pretty interesting and somewhat unique (“The Cube” was similar to the vision that this conjures up for me). “Saw with Aliens” was an interesting mash-up take by Richiev.
I don’t think “student” is sufficient however. I believe it is necessary to use great adjectives, especially when you are describing your protag and antags. I would also avoid ho-hum words like “pretty”, “young”, etc. Find a word that better describes their character or arc: compusive, demeaning, snake-bitten, morally-bankrupted.
I agree, though; I think you can find a better way to describe “branch”- alien race, extraterrestrial society…
I would try to keep it in one sentence, if at all possible, and under thirty words. You did well with word economy, and with a few of those changes, should be able to reduce it to one sentence.
Most importantly, the “hook” (the uniqueness of the concept” is there, so that’s a major plus! Good job.
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge