The Female Seed
FFFMentor
In a leisure female-only Utopia where sex is the only taboo, a willful girl must escape from her restrained community to join her lover who has been sent away.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
As Nir Shelter said.
When you’re as established and commercially successful as Tarantino, you won’t have to write a logline. The name on the title page will suffice to get a reading.
(And when he was a nobody, Tarantino worked the Hollywood social circuit to meet the right people to get a reading. And how many of us live in Tinsel town? How many of us have fewer than 18 degrees of separation between us and somebody who can green light a script?)
Until then…
We often have this discussion on Logline.it when a writer tries to justify as a creative choice the lack of clarity, logic, or a goal, stakes, antagonist and a journey.
Alas the answer is always; a resounding yes! They are needed in most cases.
Look at Tarantino’s films closely and analyse them (I have) liner story lines or not the MC in most cases had clear goals, high stakes antagonists and journeys.
Bottom line is if you want to sell a story to a producer he or she will have to see financial merit in it majority of audiences wanting to watch them as appose to the minority. For them to do so the story will have to comply with story conventions in order to reach a large enough audience. These conventions have been established and researched for a little over 3500 years so best to use them instead of reject them.
If you are inventing a new world you can invent more provocative rules and also more interesting obstacles and goals. If the goal is to reunite with her lover, make the world and rules very complex, and the stakes very high for example in Romeo and Juliet the stakes were high. In your movie make the world interesting and invent the dangers.
Perhaps a discussion larger than this logline. Isn’t it possible that the concept of not reaching your goal also the Stakes? Must find food, would imply or you starve. Can the antagonist be society or the environment, I think of “Castaway”, Tom Hanks all alone.
Loglines sell the story, not tell the story. I acknowledge that these should be in a logline, but sometimes you can only stand out by being different. Tarantino was Tarantino from his first script.
I think Nir Shelter has put his finger on it: the premise as currently presented raises too many questions about its internal logic that distracts from the story itself.
But I think the premise has promise. In these more tolerant and accepting times (in some cultures, anyway), there is more open mindedness to same-sex relationship stories.
I think this concept raises too many questions about the logic of the premise that put the suspension of disbelief at risk. Providing all the plot holes and logic leaps are dealt with elegantly in the script I think best to simplify the logline so that it deals only with the MC goal and not mention the surrounding complications.
MC – a sheltered teen.
Goal – find her love.
Antagonist – ? maybe a jealous law enforcer.
stakes – ?
Inciting incident – ?
Re draft the logline to include only these points and no descriptions of the unique premise.
And how does the population reproduce, replace itself without sex? And doesn’t that take a stud farm with at least a few guys to service the gals, ensure the survival of the species? (Hmm, now there’s a potential story.)
“When her girlfriend is exiled for having sex, a sheltered teen must abandon her female utopia of the future and delve into the wild lands to find her true love or lose her forever.”
(A question, it takes two to have sex. why was the the girlfriend kicked out but not the lead. Was she having sex with someone else?)
Sorry but I can’t see an audience for this film. Part of the attractions offered by art films is that they always offer generous sex scenes to offset often austere thematics. Can anyone see a couple out on a date saying let’s see the movie where sex is tabboo? So, it’s always important to consider the potential audience when developing ideas.
1] What are the (negative) stakes? That is, what is the penalty for getting caught trying to reunite with her lover?
2] In this pseudo-utopia are lovers matched up by the ruling hierarchy or are they free to partner up as they wish?
The audience is social-independent-science fiction fans who loves small sf movies set in strange worlds. Actually, it’s more “the village” than “logan’s run”. Did I mention that all the women in the movie are extremely beautiful, often half naked and that there are some hot lesbian scenes? Should I mention this in the logline? (how?)
Good questions, good questions. She MUST escape if she want to join her lover (and she want to join her lover). Maybe it is not strong enough as a motivation? The lover of the MC has not been properly “exiled” : in fact she has been sent to another community as part of a ritual. It’s too complicated maybe. At least, I know what I need to change to make the stoy work. Anything else?
Who is the intended audience for this movie?
Why was her lover exiled? And why MUST the protagonist join her? What’s at stake? What does the protagonist stand to lose if she fails? What’s the risk factor? Will she be killed if she’s caught?
I changed the loglin – is it better?
By the way – I just learned there’s a project to remake logan’s run – Ryan Gosling / Winding Refn.
Go looking for—Search (it saves space, one word instead of three.
Can’t say I to see a utopia without sex either?
How does the lack of sex contribute to the story? In what way is this vital to the plot?
You don’t miss what you’ve never known. The women could well think they’re living in a utopian world. From memory, in Logan’s Run they thought they were living in a great world until they found out what they were eating and that there was an outside with trees where you didn’t have to die at thirty. From IMDB: ‘An idyllic sci-fi future has one major drawback: life must end at 30.’
Maybe you just need to find a way of getting across that they think they’re living in utopia, but we the audience know otherwise. I also think you need a better description for your MC. Make her smart, not confused – she sees what others don’t. Even if she seems confused initially, she’s presumably going to pull it all together. And what’s with the ‘girlfriend’? No men, was she sent away for having lesbian sex? Maybe instead of some drug to chemically castrate the women, you could have some high-tech gadget that they all sleep with. LOL.
I loved Logan’s Run. Great movie.
You got a serious point there. I’m sure that I want to build an apparent utopia. This is important for my story. The utopia should be believable and should offer some kind of advantages to the people. It?s more like logan?s run? where everybody is young (therefore over 30 must ?regenerate? in a ritual death) than thx1138? where we are clearly in a dystopia. My world is for sure a very pacific community where no one has to work and the basic needs are more than guaranteed (shelter, food…). At the beginning of the movie I want to show a paradise female-world. At first I thought about some kind of drug to compensate the lack of sex. But maybe it’s not enough. Now I come up with another idea. What if it is just virginity which is sacred and therefore penetration is forbidden?
Can it really be a Utopia if sex if forbidden? Just saying 🙂