Altered State of Mind
In the near future, a manipulative drug addict is deceived into a subconscious form of intervention–by the people who care about him the most.
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“a subconscious form of intervention” — vague. What does it mean?
What is the purpose, the objective goal of this “subconscious form of…” whatever?
What’s at stake?
What is so important about “in the near future”? Does the story belong to the sci-fi genre?
Your idea sounds very interesting. If the drug addict is your main character, his actions need to drive the story. What action does he take in response to this situation?
Intriguing idea so far!
The way it’s written, it seems as if it’s a surprise that the people who love him would intervene. I don’t think that’s the surprising element. Why would someone who doesn’t care do anything for anyone?
I’m also a little unsure if the subconscious intervention is a bad thing or not? Your lead is a drug addict, so, likely in need of an intervention of some kind? A subconscious one doesn’t seem nearly as miserable as nabbing him out of his own bed, tossing him in a trunk, delivering him to a cinder block room, and leaving him to puke it out by himself? Subconscious sounds kinda good by comparison. 🙂
By the “in the near future,” I’m guessing this is sort of a sci-fi thing, maybe a mind-control experiment or something like that? If so, maybe the “subconscious intervention” is “illegal mind control,” or something that sounds more pointedly evil? If someone is doing something evil to him, it ups the ante quite a bit.
Look forward to seeing the next incarnation of this one!
Perhaps in your log line point to the antagonist – do one of his ‘loved ones’ have an ulterior motive? Why else wouldn’t your hero want help from his current lifestyle (or lack of)