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Needing to make ends meet, a recovering alcoholic's sobriety is tested when she returns to bartending at her father's tavern.
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You don’t have to say her sobriety is tested, because you’ve established she’s a recovering alcoholic working at at bar?the conflict is inherent to the situation. Which is good thing, to have that conflict present – you just don’t need to overstate it.
I find it’s better, most of the time, to start with the protagonist, then define the conflict, the stakes, and the antagonist. It usually flows better, whereas starting with an issue and then mentioning a person feels a bit choppy. Perhaps something more like this:
“A recovering alcoholic finds herself unemployed, and returns home to tend bar at her ailing father’s tavern.”
Unemployed = needing to make ends meet, but is shorter and more immediate: we get that she doesn’t have many options. I added “ailing” in response to other comments regarding why she would need to tend bar vs. another type of job, and why for her dad. I don’t know if that fits your story, but it’s one word and explains a lot.
You don’t have to say her sobriety is tested, because you’ve established she’s a recovering alcoholic working at at bar?the conflict is inherent to the situation. Which is good thing, to have that conflict present – you just don’t need to overstate it.
I find it’s better, most of the time, to start with the protagonist, then define the conflict, the stakes, and the antagonist. It usually flows better, whereas starting with an issue and then mentioning a person feels a bit choppy. Perhaps something more like this:
“A recovering alcoholic finds herself unemployed, and returns home to tend bar at her ailing father’s tavern.”
Unemployed = needing to make ends meet, but is shorter and more immediate: we get that she doesn’t have many options. I added “ailing” in response to other comments regarding why she would need to tend bar vs. another type of job, and why for her dad. I don’t know if that fits your story, but it’s one word and explains a lot.
“If you want to change your life, you have to change your friends.”
I think part of the temptation would be she begins hanging out with her old friends who were a bad influence.
Desperate economic circumstances compel desperate actions. If the the major throughline is the struggle to remain sober while serving up her favorite addicting drug, why does it have to be at her father’s tavern? It could be any tavern. But if the throughline centers around another character flaw and/or skeletons in the family closet…
Who is the protagonist? What is the central subjective problem the woman has to deal with?
I think if you set it somewhere with limited prospects from an employment front it will be plausible. Making the Dad a molester is an unnecessary addition – being an alcoholic is enough for a character to deal with. I agree that including a dependent (child) adds to explaining her motivation to a) go back to the bar to make money and b) stay sober
Nicholasandrewshalls does make a good point. However, I don’t see her choice to return as an insuperable plot problem. The character of the bartender in the long running U.S. hit comedy, Cheers (1982-1993), Sam Malone, was a recovering alcoholic. It added some interesting complexity to the character, created more opportunities for plot situations, but the role was written — and acted — in a way that made it credible.
So I can see her returning. It’s a weak choice, a bad choice, but isn’t it the nature of the dramatic character arc that characters make weak choices in Act 1, grow to make stronger choices later? As long as the bad choice is credibly motivated.
I think Nicholas makes a good point, why go back to the bar. However I think you have a good logline.
My only real question is WHY she returns there. Why can she not do literally ANYTHING else to earn the money she needs to stay afloat? Other than that the hook is totally there.
Hi Bmonkey,
I agree with both of the above – concise, yet revealing a sympathetic and strong character; dpg’s take certainly ups the ante… Below is just my spin:
After escaping from her abusive boyfriend with their three year old daughter, a recovering alcoholic accepts a job at her estranged Father’s bar, only to uncover his dark secret.
Regardless — best of luck, lotso potentialo.
Desperate to make ends meet and support her child, a recovering alcoholic returns to bartending for the father who molested her as a child.
[Increases the emotional conflict and stakes.]
I like the logline, It’s short to the point and we can see the conflict.
Good luck with this