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Dave BloustienPenpusher
Posted: April 28, 20152015-04-28T14:05:07+10:00 2015-04-28T14:05:07+10:00In: Public

updated: In a world of high fantasy, four archetypical adventurers have a brush with death only to learn their fates are determined by a ?role playing game?; they journey into our world, where the laws they know no longer apply, to meet the godlike beings who control them (comedy).

Save vs. Death

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    7 Reviews

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    1. FFF Mentor
      2015-04-29T20:28:47+10:00Added an answer on April 29, 2015 at 8:28 pm

      The “;” that separates the two sentences stands like a hole in the script to me. Again, you should focus on the movie structure and you will find a way to write a one sentence logline where all the elements are connected, with clear stakes and goals.

      With a touch of irony you can almost avoid to specify that it’s a comedy.

      Look at the Galaxy Quest logline to get inspired :
      “The alumni cast of a space opera television series have to play their roles as the real thing when an alien race needs their help” (imdb).

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2015-04-29T06:33:43+10:00Added an answer on April 29, 2015 at 6:33 am

      “Confront” is vague and rather static. So they meet their controllers face to face. Then what do they do? What must they do? What becomes their objective goal?

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    3. FFF Mentor
      2015-04-29T01:53:37+10:00Added an answer on April 29, 2015 at 1:53 am

      “high fantasy”: ok I didn’t know this expression, then it’s perfect.

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    4. 2015-04-29T00:19:18+10:00Added an answer on April 29, 2015 at 12:19 am

      This has a good hook. It might need an MC.

      I assume that Earth is the destination of their journey. Do we identify with the traveler’s or with the game players? I also assume that freedom is the goal (if we identify with travelers) and defense from invaders is the goal (if we identify with game players).

      Kind of reminds me of Galaxy Quest – where reality meets fantasy.

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    5. Richiev Singularity
      2015-04-28T21:17:31+10:00Added an answer on April 28, 2015 at 9:17 pm

      The term ‘high fantasy’ means a ‘lord of the rings’ type fantasy world. Elves, wizards, swords, magic. Sword a Sorcery would also work.

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    6. Dave Bloustien Penpusher
      2015-04-28T19:11:13+10:00Added an answer on April 28, 2015 at 7:11 pm

      Yeah, I think the word ‘must’ is confusing.

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    7. FFF Mentor
      2015-04-28T17:26:11+10:00Added an answer on April 28, 2015 at 5:26 pm

      Hello, I found this logline almost good,

      I just wonder if it respects the structure of the script. I mean, I’m not sure if the movie will be about a journey to escape a fantasy world (Truman show/thirteen floor/dark city), or, people from a fantasy world that look for their creators in our world (like ?fishes out of water?/last action hero).

      I think you should make a creative decision about that. In one case the inciting event would be when the characters discover their fates are determined by a sort of game and the resolution would be when they met their creators at the end, in the other case the second act would start when they leave the fantasy world.

      Finally, I suggest to find a better description of the fantasy world that a “high fantasy world”: try to find one or two adjectives that point out the specificity of this world, or just say “fantasy” if it’s a kind of “standard” fantasy world.

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