She Never Comes Out on the 31st
A man faces an unimaginable crisis when he discovers his new girlfriend –the daughter of a Voodoo queen– is a zombie.
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I think it’s usual not to use character names except when the character is a famous or historical figure.
How about this? A guy’s (replace this with a brief character description) worst nightmare comes true when he meets the woman of his dreams and she turns out to be a zombie.
I think it’s usual not to use character names in a logline except if they are famous people or historical characters.
How about this for the logline? A guy’s (replace with a brief character description) worst nightmare comes true when he meets the woman of his dreams and she turns out to be a zombie.
Noted (about the name thing). Thanks!
Or:
A guy’s dream girl turns into his worst nightmare — a zombie.
“After he discovers the woman of his dream is a zombie, a lonely gambler must decide how much he wants that nookie…”
Alright, that was bad, I’ll go back to the drawing board…
(btw we don’t need to know he was recently laid off or that he’s in Vegas, just get to the meat of the story: What happens and what he must do)
*edited* How does it look now?
I like we have a better understanding of why she is a zombie, however you have not explained what the lead character must do:
He must kill her, he must break the spell, he must gather the ingredients of a potion, he must escape her spell, he must kill her mom.
It would help the logline immensely if you let us know what it is he must do once he discovers the woman of his dreams is a zombie.
Hmm. Must every logline conform to the boilerplate “When… must… or else” formula?
What constitutes “High Concept”? Isn’t a “High Concept” story one where the situation contains such a great hook, where the dramatic struggle and imperative (goal-stakes) are so self-evident, it isn’t necessary to say more? The premise says it all, sells itself.
Look at some “High Concept” loglines for films:
“Two Manhattan women establish a successful phone-sex business to pay the rent.” (For a Good Time Call…)
“An alien decides to form a bluegrass band instead of destroying Earth.” (The History of Future Folk)
“A hardhearted businessman rediscovers the joys of living when he inherits six penguins.” (Mr.Popper’s Penguins)
“Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn’t.” (500 Days)
“A 38-year-old man confined to an iron lung resolves to lose his virginity.” (The Sessions)
All rules have exceptions. Could this story premise be one of them?
I think a pitchline is meant for selling. A logline is (as I thought) the backbone of your story serving as a development tool, making sure you have the right focus while working on the project.
I would agree not ever movie logline needs a “must do” however in this case, the set up is, he discovers the woman of his dreams is a zombie, so the story is what he’ill do about it.
For instance in your example of “For a good time call” the setup is they can’t afford the rent, what they do is establish a phone sex business. So it has the setup and what they must do to over come the setup.
On the other hand, since nothing really happens in the movie, “Lost in translation,” you probably wouldn’t have a “Must do” in that logline.
This story idea sounds like there is a “Must do” He discovers the woman of his dreams is a zombie then… The end? or then he attempts to save her by…?
So I would agree, not ever logline needs a “Must do” but if you can put one in your logline it will help clarify the story.
Hi nelsonpants,
Richiev and dpg are right.
Basically, the logline is a marketing tool to tell your customer what he is buying (actually what you whant to sell).
Your customer is a producer.
What he wants to know is if your story is bankable. What he needs for this is more than a genre and a premise (except HARDLY EVER for high concept , which first quality is the uniqueness)
– because with just a genre and a premise, we can write thousands of stories from the worst to the best,
– because what you want to sell may cost more than $1M and he can employ a professional screenwriter to write any story of any genre about any premise for much less money,
– and because a complete story is a copyrighted material he cannot leaf.
So what your customer wants is the whole story. And as it takes many time to read screenplays and as time is money, he wants your whole story reduced to something like 30 words long.
That’s why you must tell us what happens “after he discovers that his girlfriend is a zombie”.
As I learned a few days ago, your logline would be better if it begins by:
“After he discovers his girlfriend is a zombie” and follows with “a man…do… despite… (with the help…) ”
And your customer would be even more happier if it where “a necrophobic man…do… despite… with the help… ”
Packaged like this, it is not very difficult to write, actually. 😉
Good points by Koen, Richiev and Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat. A logline is a tool for focusing the story AND for marketing the story.
The words “An unimaginable crisis” in this logline doesn’t tell us what the ultimate stakes are. Must the protagonist fight for his life? Or must love find a way to triumph despite the inherent conflict (like in “Warm Bodies” where the vampire falls in love with a normal girl)?
What’s the twist that makes this story idea different from all the other Zombie scripts being written and all the films already made?