My friend Peter
CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
To fulfill a lifetime dream a terminally ill man heads to the Grand Canyon. On the way he meets a homeless man and helps him reunite with his estranged family instead of finishing his trip.
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The end
The end
What might interest me in the story is not WHAT he does but WHY he does it. Why of all tens of thousands of homeless people in the US of A, of all the homeless people he must surely notice, does he become involved in the life of this one?
IOW: what’s the so special about the inciting incident? What is there about the encounter with the homeless man that triggers his decision to help this particular person rather than that one? Why would anyone deflect him from his original goal of checking off the Grand Canyon from his bucket list?
What might interest me in the story is not WHAT he does but WHY he does it. Why of all tens of thousands of homeless people in the US of A, of all the homeless people he must surely notice, does he become involved in the life of this one?
IOW: what’s the so special about the inciting incident? What is there about the encounter with the homeless man that triggers his decision to help this particular person rather than that one? Why would anyone deflect him from his original goal of checking off the Grand Canyon from his bucket list?
To fulfill a lifelong goal a terminally ill man heads to the Grand Canyon. His anger over his illness turns to comparison when he meets a homeless man and decides to help reunite with his estranged family.
To fulfill a lifelong goal a terminally ill man heads to the Grand Canyon. His anger over his illness turns to comparison when he meets a homeless man and decides to help reunite with his estranged family.
>> His anger over his illness turns to comparison (compassion)”
So his character arc is a done deal, complete by the start of Act 2 after he decides to help the man? Hmm. Doesn’t that pretty well eliminate any suspense or dramatic tension on the level of his subjective issue for the rest of the movie?
Do you have any particular experience working with homeless people? I do. Based on that experience, I suggest there may be deeper issues and complications worth exploring in the story than the obvious issue of a terminally ill man’s bad fortune and anger issues.
fwiw.
>> His anger over his illness turns to comparison (compassion)”
So his character arc is a done deal, complete by the start of Act 2 after he decides to help the man? Hmm. Doesn’t that pretty well eliminate any suspense or dramatic tension on the level of his subjective issue for the rest of the movie?
Do you have any particular experience working with homeless people? I do. Based on that experience, I suggest there may be deeper issues and complications worth exploring in the story than the obvious issue of a terminally ill man’s bad fortune and anger issues.
fwiw.
I’m guessing you’re holding back details for the sake of brevity in which case it’s better to start long and give a better sense of the setup and key developments in Act 2 which commentators can help strip down to its core values.
I’m guessing you’re holding back details for the sake of brevity in which case it’s better to start long and give a better sense of the setup and key developments in Act 2 which commentators can help strip down to its core values.
There a lot to explore. More than a sentences worth. Spelling – autocorrect on a iPhone.
There a lot to explore. More than a sentences worth. Spelling – autocorrect on a iPhone.
kbfilmworks. Not really. This is the first time I have ever written a logline before starting a script. I normally have cards drawn up (I use Celtx card on my iPad), then a few scenes to find their voices. Then after that I might give a logline a go.
This is truly just an idea.
kbfilmworks. Not really. This is the first time I have ever written a logline before starting a script. I normally have cards drawn up (I use Celtx card on my iPad), then a few scenes to find their voices. Then after that I might give a logline a go.
This is truly just an idea.
OK. Your idea comes across as a straight drama project which can be difficult to sell. I only say this because you haven’t started writing it otherwise I wouldn’t want to discourage you. My research tells me you might get a TV deal for drama if you have the contacts or maybe you can attach a name actor and attract an indie producer. The main genres being bought from first-timers by both studios and Indies seem to be thrillers, contained thrillers and horror. Also, there’s been a lot of interest in lo-fi Sci-Fi like ‘Another Earth’, ‘Coherence’, etc.
OK. Your idea comes across as a straight drama project which can be difficult to sell. I only say this because you haven’t started writing it otherwise I wouldn’t want to discourage you. My research tells me you might get a TV deal for drama if you have the contacts or maybe you can attach a name actor and attract an indie producer. The main genres being bought from first-timers by both studios and Indies seem to be thrillers, contained thrillers and horror. Also, there’s been a lot of interest in lo-fi Sci-Fi like ‘Another Earth’, ‘Coherence’, etc.
Oh.
Well, it has potential as a story that can evoke a strong emotional buy-in on the part of an audience. Good luck fleshing out the idea.
Oh.
Well, it has potential as a story that can evoke a strong emotional buy-in on the part of an audience. Good luck fleshing out the idea.
I’ll write it to get the idea out of me and on paper. I find writing also informs other projects. I write what is in my head. When drama gets its day in the sun I’ll have a script rather than be chasing a trend. I remember the romantic comedy era.
Your right it is a straight drama concept. I normally think action triller.
Thanks everyone.
I’ll write it to get the idea out of me and on paper. I find writing also informs other projects. I write what is in my head. When drama gets its day in the sun I’ll have a script rather than be chasing a trend. I remember the romantic comedy era.
Your right it is a straight drama concept. I normally think action triller.
Thanks everyone.
Hi CraigDGriffiths
I normally start with a logline then flesh it it to breakdowns and step outlines. I think you’re doing the right thing by testing the concept in logline before writing a synopsis or first draft.
As for the log line the genre is not clear enough, yes a drama but what kind of story? Is this a redemption story? A buddy story? A road trip story? A dual protagonist plot? etc…
What was the inciting incident? Is it the terminally ill man’s story or the homeless man’s story?
Once you identify exactly the type of story it could be a good thing to look at other movies that are of the same ilk and see how they structured the inciting incident.
Hope this helps.
Hi CraigDGriffiths
I normally start with a logline then flesh it it to breakdowns and step outlines. I think you’re doing the right thing by testing the concept in logline before writing a synopsis or first draft.
As for the log line the genre is not clear enough, yes a drama but what kind of story? Is this a redemption story? A buddy story? A road trip story? A dual protagonist plot? etc…
What was the inciting incident? Is it the terminally ill man’s story or the homeless man’s story?
Once you identify exactly the type of story it could be a good thing to look at other movies that are of the same ilk and see how they structured the inciting incident.
Hope this helps.
The reason I tend to do a “vomit draft” (don’t like that term – but it is in the population), is that it informs me of the characters. As I write them I understand what they will do. Once I have everything down, which is never enough to sustain a story. I start throwing obstacles at them. This builds the story and allows me to put things in that will be paid off later in the story.
Who these guys are is still up for grabs. My brother had throat cancer twice. He said that there was a liberation to the disease. So you owe $15k on a credit card – you have cancer, so you can’t hit a good 1 wood shot on the golf course – you have cancer. He said it put everything in perspective for him. He is fine now, cancer free for 10 years. But it had a changing effect on him that remained. I can see the sick guy having that change during the story. How and why, I don’t know yet.
I’ll find these characters as I write them. It is also my guess that drama will make a come back into about five years. I have a huge theory on why. Too big for this text box and not why we are here.
Thanks everyone.
The reason I tend to do a “vomit draft” (don’t like that term – but it is in the population), is that it informs me of the characters. As I write them I understand what they will do. Once I have everything down, which is never enough to sustain a story. I start throwing obstacles at them. This builds the story and allows me to put things in that will be paid off later in the story.
Who these guys are is still up for grabs. My brother had throat cancer twice. He said that there was a liberation to the disease. So you owe $15k on a credit card – you have cancer, so you can’t hit a good 1 wood shot on the golf course – you have cancer. He said it put everything in perspective for him. He is fine now, cancer free for 10 years. But it had a changing effect on him that remained. I can see the sick guy having that change during the story. How and why, I don’t know yet.
I’ll find these characters as I write them. It is also my guess that drama will make a come back into about five years. I have a huge theory on why. Too big for this text box and not why we are here.
Thanks everyone.
I think it’s a potentially great story, Greg. Keep working on it. However, I think the homeless guy must have an amazing story, strong enough to divert the terminally ill man to abandon his dream of going to the Grand Canyon, and he must have some revelation at the end as a reward for changing his trip. Maybe he doesn’t die when he expected, or he saves the life of the hobo by helping reunite him with his family, who become his family and help him to really reconcile with his own family when he does. i.e. he bought some time to settle his own affairs before dying.
I think it’s a potentially great story, Greg. Keep working on it. However, I think the homeless guy must have an amazing story, strong enough to divert the terminally ill man to abandon his dream of going to the Grand Canyon, and he must have some revelation at the end as a reward for changing his trip. Maybe he doesn’t die when he expected, or he saves the life of the hobo by helping reunite him with his family, who become his family and help him to really reconcile with his own family when he does. i.e. he bought some time to settle his own affairs before dying.
(in my mind so far) The ill man encounters the homeless guys who has helped him out in some small way. He decides to repay the favor. By doing that, he learns more about the homeless man and decides to do something more important with his final days than look at the grand canyon. The homeless guy is not fully aware of the illness. He is still reluctant and is verging on sabotaging the reconciliation when the Ill man dies.
His death shows him that people are still good and that someone was willing to sacrifice something important to give him a second chance.
Just a few points so far. It looks like it is going to revolve around “seeing what other see in you” and “being willing to sacrifice something for someone else”. Maybe that we can achieve immorality through our good deeds.
I tend to discover midpoints and build stories out from there.
(in my mind so far) The ill man encounters the homeless guys who has helped him out in some small way. He decides to repay the favor. By doing that, he learns more about the homeless man and decides to do something more important with his final days than look at the grand canyon. The homeless guy is not fully aware of the illness. He is still reluctant and is verging on sabotaging the reconciliation when the Ill man dies.
His death shows him that people are still good and that someone was willing to sacrifice something important to give him a second chance.
Just a few points so far. It looks like it is going to revolve around “seeing what other see in you” and “being willing to sacrifice something for someone else”. Maybe that we can achieve immorality through our good deeds.
I tend to discover midpoints and build stories out from there.