Moose Crossing
almiiiteyPenpusher
When a 50-foot-tall Maine moose destroys forests and attacks people, biologist Dan Gellerston must confront dark secrets from his past to find a way to stop the monster.
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My question here is why must the protagonist confront dark secrets from his past in order to stop the monster? Or do you mean that his confrontation of dark secrets from his past is what happens along side his quest to stop the monster?
OK, love the potential of this one!
But
I would take away the word “Maine” and the word “tall,” since we aren’t going to assume you meant wide (When a fifty-foot moose)
I would also replace, “Destroys forests and attacks people” with “Goes on a rampage”
I would leave out “Dan Gellerston” but add an adjective before biologist.
Then I would redo the conflict in the logline. You have a fifty-foot moose on a rampage you the conflict you chose for your logline is “confront dark secrets?”
How about, “he must take down the evil genetic lab he used to work for…” (obviously that is just an example)
“When a fifty-foot moose goes on a rampage an (Adjective) biologist must infiltrate the evil genetics lab he used to work for in order to discover the secret to destroying the creature.”
Again, that is just an example.
Anyway, I love the idea of a fifty-foot rampaging moose!
I agree with jde and Richiev.
I like it. “50-foot-tall” evokes images of a cheesy 50s era B-movies.
Actually, looking at it again, I think the title is too plain for the subject matter.
I’d like to see a more sensational name that evokes those old creature double features.
I like the concept here. I agree with a name change assuming the genre of this is thriller, drama.
Thank you all for your very helpful feedback. I have included a bit more information if you would like to add additional comments.
Dark secrets: jde notes that the phrase dark secrets is too vague and I agree. Richiev correctly guessed that it is the protagonists past affiliations that surface as he tries to stop the creature. Jde you are also correct that he doesn’t willingly look into his past, it simply surfaces as a natural process during his investigation. Thank you, jde, for confirming my concerns about this phrase in the logline.
Conflict: Richiev, your word edits are greatly appreciated. You guessed, quite correctly, that it is the protagonist’s past associations with a lab that represent the dark secrets in the logline. As a university student, the protagonist has a romantic relationship with a female student as they work together on a growth experiment. He abandons her when their relationship no longer benefits him and she leans on an unethical college professor for support. The professor steals the growth experiment idea and sells it to a corporation that exploits it for profit. The experiment goes wrong and a 50-foot rampaging moose is the result.
Thanks, timmyelliot, for bringing up the possibility of developing this screenplay as a 50’s era creature feature. I have rejected that idea for now but would be open to looking at this idea again. The movies that have influenced me all have a creature but the tone is more serious. Specifically, the Korean film The Host and the original Japanese version of Godzilla. Although the Godzilla suit is silly by today’s standards, the director intended the original Godzilla to be a serious exploration of the consequences of nuclear testing. The theme of this screenplay is the unintended consequences of exploitation. I thought this might be a bit too weighty a topic for a more tongue-in-cheek approach to the creature.
Glad you like the concept, bryson. The genre I am hoping for is horror, sci-fi, thriller or possibly horror, sci-fi, mystery.