Logliner
Posted: 2013-08-08T17:26:32+10:00 In:

When a tough, beloved gay uncle of a large Maori family starts dressing in drag, he is met with opposition from his family, the town and a notorious Maori gang who everyone wants to get rid of.

Uncle Bruce/Wahine – Partially based on a true story.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Hey Caleb,

      The concept is really good. The only thing is that it is really lengthy and should be reduced to generally 25 words.

      ? Peace

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    2. Logliner

      That length, trying to jam in everything. I think a skilled writer is one who can get everything in – without going overboard.

      Cheers Axel.

      God bless, mate.

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    3. Penpusher

      Hi, Ive had a go at condensing it down:

      When a beloved uncle starts dressing in drag, he is met with opposition from his tough Maori family, the town and a notorious gang who terrorise the locals.

      I guess the only thing missing is what he does next…I’m guessing he overcomes the gang to the benefit of the town bringing acceptance, but that’s just a guess. Your logline should tell me so I don’t need to guess.

      Alternatively:

      A beloved uncle is forced to win back the respect of his tough Maori family, the town and a rival gang after he starts dressing in drag.

      Hope this helped – obviously adapt to what your story is really about.

      Thanks

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    4. Samurai

      Totally into the hook of your film. Almost like “Once Were Warriors” for a new generation.

      Unfortunately your logline only tells us the concept. What is the inciting incident? (Presumably, the think that prompts the uncle to begin dressing in drag, or else reveals that he already does this to the world?)

      Once the uncle starts dressing in drag (I assume the uncle is the protagonist) what is his goal? (Remember, we’re talking about writing films for cinema here, so it needs to be CINEMATIC … the goal is obviously to live ones life and be accepted for who we are … but what is the visual metaphor you’re employing in your film to represent this? What does this character need to DO so that your audience knows that they have either succeeded or failed in attaining this goal?)

      Identifying the Maori gang as an antagonist for everyone in the town in the logline suggests that there’s already common ground that the uncle can stand on. You’d think you’d want to highlight the dramatic tension by putting him at odds with EVERYONE? So maybe don’t mention in the logline that he is facing antagonism from his family, but that they all have a common enemy who they will fight off?

      Finally, the title is not super catchy. Maybe just Uncle Wahine? Tells me geography, it’s a bit of a pun (suggesting an offbeat tone, like something Taika Waititi might want to make) and it makes me, as someone not native to New Zealand, interested in what it means.

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