The Book of Hammers
Clint CurePenpusher
When a woman?s badly burnt body is discovered, an occult writer investigates a strange Christian sect. She must escape the cult and expose their evil.
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Again this lack an original twist, or some irony… something that materialize the plot and give the reader a reason to read the script. Word “strange” means nothing. It’s like “when a rich businessman is found hammered in the head, a cop must investigate a strange real estate lobby”. You are very good at throwing ideas on the paper, and this is a true quality, really! This is very usefull in a brainstorming stage, but then you should work to the 2nd level and cook a “wow” concept. Why don’t you focus on the genre you like the most (the genre you know better) or a field where you have a good basic knowledge, to find some killer concept? There you talk about a “celtic” cult, here about a “christian” sect, are you really interested in celtic culture, history and myth, or Christians? Why not psycho hippies like Charles Manson? It will help to find good ideas in a field where you are confortable. Or you can keep firing with the logline machine gun 🙂
I tell you all this to (try) to help you improve your output.
I’m not sure how to put a twist in a logline. The twist often comes up in the final act which is sometimes called the 3rd Act twist. That’s if you go by 3 Act structure theory.
One problem with this version is that there is no character arc. What is the reporter’s character flaw that is exposed and tested by the discovery of the burnt body? A good logline explicitly states the objective goal and implicitly suggests the subjective problem — the arc of transformation the character must undergo– by the designation of a character flaw. What is there about herself that she must confront and overcome?
A far more interesting story would be if she’s a member of the cult — a true believer — until she discovers the burnt body. Now her faith, her entire belief system, everything she was willing to live and die for is thrown into doubt. She must overcome her delusion and disillusionment and escape from the cult to save her sanity — and her life.
fwiw.
“When an attorney, and pathological liar, is magically compelled to be honest for one day, he must struggle to win the biggest case of his career ? without telling a lie”. This is a very good logline.
You don’t have to spoil the end but to set some hook, usually linked to the first turning point at the end of the first act. A twist, some irony, something that hooks the reader, anything. And it’s even more difficult than this because you can’t go completely whimsical, you have to set a login in the whole.
Does every story needs a strong character arc? What is Ripley’s character arc in Alien? What is the character arc for Sargent Howie in Wickerman (which is a similar tone to this story), Aren’t James Bond and Indiana Jones the same guys at the end of the movie as at the start.
I don’t think the main problem in your logline is that the character arc is not clear.
The character arc is not necessary, but a story is often better with an arc. The character arc is a useful tool to build characters and stories. According to many books, producers always ask “what is the character arc?” – this could be a practical reason to try to create one.
Besides, there is something worse than not having a character arc and it’s to force a character to have one when it doesn’t belong to him or to the story.
About indiana jones, he must come to terms with his skeptical attitude and act as a true believer (“do not look the arc” for exemple).
James Bond and Indiana Jones are exceptions to the general rule because they are franchise characters. Is this the logline for a film franchise?
Sgt. Howie is motivated by more than curiosity; it’s his job to solve the mystery, bring the guilty to justice. More to the point, he’s a devout Christian and celibate; the Celtic rituals and sexual mores of the locals deeply offend his morality and sensibility — that’s his subjective conflict. Is your reporter religious? IOW: what internal, subjective conflict is induced by her encounter with the cult?
I guess that’s the key point: the situation must not only create an external conflict but an internal one. And the internal one usually arises because of a character flaw. Why? What’s the purpose of the character flaw? What’s the point? Well, one point is having an (objective) internal conflict to complement an (subjective) external one that amplifies overall dramatic tension. It also enhances dramatic suspense; that is, it amplifies the fear in the audience’s mind that the protagonist may fail.
So what’s Ripley’s internal conflict? To begin with, she’s a fairly strong character. As the safety officer her prudent judgement calls are right while everyone is wrong. But she initially complies with bad orders, but then does she have much choice, she’s overruled by the captain? Finally, Ripley must take charge and muster every resource (internally and externally) to eventually go face-to-face with the alien. She’s the last chance for a character to succeed where everyone else has failed.
(Her character arc in stronger in the sequel: she must face down her nightmares, literally.)
So I guess the question to ask is: what internal conflict does the situation put the writer in?
I haven’t described her as a reporter. She is a writer who writes books on the occult. She would see the cult as primitive and naive but have to hide her cynicism to investigate them properly. I don’t think the elements in my logline are tying together well. Maybe I need to suggest that the murder has been part of some sort of ritual. I want the story to imply that the cult may be performing old pagan rituals e.g. Burning a virgin and scattering her ashes in the fields to appease the gods, burying charms in bottles and cats under houses etc.
>>I haven?t described her as a reporter.
Doh!
But my general point stands.
>>>the cult may be performing old pagan rituals e.g. Burning a virgin and scattering her ashes in the fields to appease the gods”
“gods” — then would it be “Christian”, which is monotheistic?
You’re not really joining the dots here. That maybe my fault in the logline but my description should have helped?
>>You?re not really joining the dots
Tell me! And I shouldn’t have to join dots. The plot should be obvious, something I, or anyone else reading the logline should immediately grasp.
You describe the cult as “Christian” and then describe their practices as designed to appease “gods”. Say what? Those two terms are theologically incommensurate. It’s like saying kangaroos lay eggs.