Son of Perdition (Political/War)
Caleb TumanakoLogliner
When the world’s economic system collapses causing great social upheaval, a rising political savior steps in with a new economic idea where all economy is stored inside the human body, beginning the formation of a powerful Governmental global revolution and resulting in one of the greatest tribulation periods of all time.
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Yes, irony is good.
And if you can, add irony. In my example the lead is agnostic but is risking her life to save her fundamentalist brother who refuses to deny God in spite the punishment being death.
Here would be an example of a logline told from the point of view of a protagonist instead of an antagonist.
“After her brother is detained in a religious death camp for refusing to deny God, an agnostic girl travels across the country in defiance of the new world leader’s liberty laws, to help her brother escape before he’s beheaded.”
Of course my example is way to long but loglines should tell a story”: An inciting incident, a lead, a goal and something standing in the leads way.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
Your logline definitely needs to be clearer – in as much as a logline shouldn’t really “allude” to anything. It should tell me, outright, who is your story about, what this character wants, and who or what is standing in their way.
You 100% must include your protagonist, indicated clearly, and emphasise the antagonist less (although, don’t exclude this character).
Hi,
Maybe you need to identify one protagonist which by the sounds would be the head of a rebel/freedom fighter group.
Good luck.
The logline alludes to that with the last line, though not in a conventional way with the tribulation period resulting in natural protagonists being born out of the inciting incident (political figure implementing a new system which is against their beliefs), with the stakes being the fate of the world at hand. If it is not that clear than perhaps it is either the wording or I have to be more concise and have more clarity.
Cheers.
So, like the movies Left Behind? (currently being remade with Nic Cage).
You didn’t even mention the protagonist in your logline. Without that, there is no story. Just a world, just a concept. Who is your protagonist, what is their goal, what are the stakes?
The political savior is the antagonist, the way the logline is worded – it’s meant to give you a look at the rise of this political genius, believing he is a good guy then watching him turn and becoming an evil dictator on a global scale so it’s a character transformation over time. The protagonists are survivors or those who refuse his system. His goal is to unite the world after the whole world’s economy collapses on itself but it’s really to rule the world etc.
The ‘political saviour’ is actually the antagonist. The protagonists are those who end up rebelling against his new idea for a better world. The way I worded the logline, it is meant to be a twist in a way.
I don’t understand what your protagonist’s goal is … in a visual sense. What am I watching this character try to do?
So this is from the point of view of the rising political savior?
Always had this idea and would like to flesh out the story a bit more, the logline is probably a bit wordy but I like to get the hook in there.
The political savior is actually the antichrist from the Scriptures and the basis of this story is straight from the Book of Revelation about a mark which everyone receives on their right hand and forehead to buy and sell which is just a modern take on it.
Have to get a good grip on the story though, probably put it away and begin just writing.
Sounds like a documentary of present times to me from someone who is just slightly psychic.