Penpusher
Posted: 2013-09-14T09:50:24+10:00 In:

When the son of an overly protective mother is told he has terminal cancer he decides to run away from home to experience life rather than spend his final days dying under the watch of his smothering mom.

Untitled

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    6 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      ^ I agree 100%. “To live” is such a vague, subjective term. There has to be a clear, concrete, visual goal that you can say “my protagonist is trying to do THIS ONE SPECIFIC THING, which will signify to the audience that he has lived his life.”

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      NP, hope I helped

      • 0

    3. Title: Dying to Live

      I suggest he ought to be running away not just to live more fully in general, but to fulfill a specific dream (objective goal). As to the nature of that dream — well, there are so many choices. Take your pick.

      • 0
    4. Penpusher

      Nice and concise, thanks Richiev

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      Just re-read my logline attempt, “At least” should be dropped, it’s extraneous and takes away from the overall example.

      Diagnosed with terminal cancer a sheltered boy runs away from his overprotective mother to live once before dying.?

      • 0
    6. Singularity

      How about this:

      “Diagnosed with terminal cancer a sheltered boy runs away from his overprotective mother to live at least once before dying.”

      (The built in conflict is he’s sheltered and out in the harsh world for the first time)

      Title: Live before dying

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

      • 0