2112: the government is about to destroy a city’s ability for deep emotion, an outcast telepath must trade in her beloved, to rescue someone murdered in the past to start an uprising.
Categories: SciFi
Categories: SciFi
First of all, this needs help grammatically. Second, the phrase "must trade in her beloved" is too... simple? Like... she's either going to or not. And we assume she will. You're supposed to mention the GOAL of the main character, but in a way that's more about the struggle than just simple math, if that makes sense. I'm guessing that's a specific PART of her goal to "start an uprising", just like "rescue someone murdered" (which doesn't make sense, because you can resurrect someone who's already murdered, but if they're already murdered, you hardly succeeded in rescuing them). I think you could drop both specific phrases and just mention the true overall goal of "start an uprising" and see if that cleans it up.
Which part of it would you guys cut?
Agree with the others.? The logline juggles too many balls.? I don't know what the story is? about.? And I should be able to grasp that from a logline -- immediately, 0n the 1st read.