A persistent class president investigates the disappearances of multiple female students when she discovers the truth behind an admired teacher who, since the death of his family, has kept the students captive, she manipulates him into a trap that leads her to the missing students.

This tells the story but god is it long. Clear, concise lines are key. Hope this helps.

This tells the story but god is it long. Clear, concise lines are key. Hope this helps.

Much better.

You are right Richiev.?The story is more about her investigation of the missing students. I would like for her to enact revenge but it is not a main plot point to the whole story. Again, thank you for your help. I hope this next one is even better. If not, I will try again.

A persistent class president sets out to investigate the disappearances of multiple female students when she discovers the truth behind a once adored teacher who, since the death of his family, has kept the students captive, she manipulates him into a trap that leads her to the missing students.

Your second attempt is better.

The question, is the story about the class presidents investigation, or is it about the class presidents revenge? That will influence how the logline is written.

Thank you Richiev?for your advice. I appreciate it. How about this, does it work better?

A persistent class president sets out to uncover the truth about a once adored teacher who since the death of his entire family has kidnapped female students, while captive she manipulates his unstable mind and puts him through the same tests that he gave his innocent victims.