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2 reviews
Once again - so what is he going to do about it?
You have decent set ups, but your loglines frequently finish after the first act. That means there's 60+mins not accounted for.
Before you post any logline, ask yourself if your logline has an objective goal!
Check out the movie "1408" from 2007.
To help with the logline:
1. Expand on who this "man" is e.g. "A ghost hunter..."
2. If this is a hotel room, it's either being rented out or off-limits to the public, it not like a carved rock you “discover” in a forest - this is a known thing. So, give your protag more intent "A ghost hunter investigates..."
3. IF this room was boarded up in a hotel and someone broke in to test the spirits, then this could be your inciting incident.
4. Now, what is his goal? So, he gets in – then what? What is the purpose of all this?
While thinking about your story and other stories like this, something came to me. What if your protag was a depressed or disgraced ghost hunter/parapsychologist that breaks into a room that is known to kill people to commit suicide hoping to capture the event as their final memoir – BUT discovers a reason to live.
Take care.