A stranger turns up claiming to be her son…yet she has no recollection of ever having given birth

by MizzyIdiot · Penpusher · 95 pts 2,783 views

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Midnight, and there?s a knock at the door.
Olivia and her husband Piers are hosting a dinner party. The caller, a young man in his early twenties, introduces himself as her son. She claims he isn?t. The man?s detailed knowledge of her and his continuing presence, however, proves too much for the marriage and Piers leaves. On the advice her doctor, she visits a psychologist and it is during a session of hypnotherapy that Olivia discovers the truth behind her childhood nightmares. And the strange child that it produced.

6 reviews

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

Thank you all for the feedback/advice. And yes, (J Chapoteau) have considered (also) penning it as a book.

wereviking · Penpusher · 200 pts

I must admit this twist drew me in. You need to resolve the logline though, not the blurb that goes with it.

patrockable · Samurai · 1,370 pts

AWESOME inciting incident! Great hook...you have me intrigued. But what is the clear, obtainable goal your main character must achieve? Also,what are the obstacles stopping her from achieving this? And what is the main character's strength, flaw, and occupation?

Here's an example of how I would structure it:

When a stranger claims to be the son she never had, a weary caring nurse must undergo hypnotherapy to discover his true identity.

dexter7176 · Penpusher · 120 pts

This sounds interesting the log line creates genuine mystery, perhaps something about the nightmares could be added to it.

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

I would watch this and read it. I don't think you should add that Olivia's husband leaves her though. Just say takes a toll on their marriage" or something like that.