5 reviews

Nicholas Andrew Halls · Mentor · 8,970 pts

It's unclear how the two events - finding the book and incurring the wrath - relate to each other. It's not explicitly stated that the homeschooled girl SUMMONS the demon with the help of the book, nor how that actually effects the teacher. You should make that link.

ALSO ... what is at stake for this character? And once they have incurred the wrath of the teacher (what does that look like?) What is the compelling action that the protagonist takes?

Former member · Legend · 114,968 pts

Tormented by bullies, a shy young girl uses an ancient incantation to summon a demon to get revenge only to lose control of the power she has unleashed.

It seems to me that the SS teacher accusing her of being the devil incarnate or demon possessed is a complication, but it's not the critical complication arising from the premise. The critical complication is that exploiting the forces of evil always, always, always has blow back, unintended consequences. The primal essence of daimonic (aka: shadow) forces is that they are uncontrollable, not subject to restraint by either reason or morality. Therefore, the very demiurge she summons to torment her enemies morphs into her chief tormenter and threatens to destroy her. By the principle of ironic dramatic reversal, the means of her (physical) salvation becomes her (spiritual) damnation.

A reversal, a curse she has brought upon herself in the sense that while revenge is a very human motivation, and a great one for dramatic purposes, spiritually/ethically it is always the wrong motivation. The Biblical principle that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword extends to other means of defense and offense than just swords.

That she is homeschooling is unnecessary to the logline, but could be important to the plot in 2 possible aspects: if Nadia has in mind that she is being homeschooled to escape the bullying; that is, her tormentors drove her out of the public school. And/or if Nadia has in mind that she's being homeschooled because of her parents religious convictions: in the U.S., a majority of homeschooling parents do so to deliver their kids from the secularism of the public school curriculum (like teaching 'evolition') and a corrupting social environment (the temptations and peer pressure to indulge in sex, drugs, rap music, twerking, etc.)

fwiw.

dogger · Legend · 87,055 pts

Tormented by bullies, a shy young girl uses an ancient incantation to summon a demon to get revenge only to lose control of the power she has unleashed.

It seems to me that the SS teacher accusing her of being the devil incarnate or demon possessed is a complication, but it's not the critical complication arising from the premise. The critical complication is that exploiting the forces of evil always, always, always has blow back, unintended consequences. The primal essence of daimonic (aka: shadow) forces is that they are uncontrollable, not subject to restraint by either reason or morality. Therefore, the very demiurge she summons to torment her enemies morphs into her chief tormenter and threatens to destroy her. By the principle of ironic dramatic reversal, the means of her (physical) salvation becomes her (spiritual) damnation.

A reversal, a curse she has brought upon herself in the sense that while revenge is a very human motivation, and a great one for dramatic purposes, spiritually/ethically it is always the wrong motivation. The Biblical principle that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword extends to other means of defense and offense than just swords.

That she is homeschooling is unnecessary to the logline, but could be important to the plot in 2 possible aspects: if Nadia has in mind that she is being homeschooled to escape the bullying; that is, her tormentors drove her out of the public school. And/or if Nadia has in mind that she's being homeschooled because of her parents religious convictions: in the U.S., a majority of homeschooling parents do so to deliver their kids from the secularism of the public school curriculum (like teaching 'evolition') and a corrupting social environment (the temptations and peer pressure to indulge in sex, drugs, rap music, twerking, etc.)

fwiw.