A young woman struggles to survive when a creature from Guaraní legend is unleashed on a rural Louisiana town.

Categories:

More details Hide

Bloodstone Creek

11 reviews

NewGrimmCity · Penpusher · 250 pts

This screenplay has been written.

In my opinion, an effective logline should convey the central premise, and give the reader an impression of the primary protagonist.

Anyone can fight to destroy a monstrous creature, but if the protagonist is an awkward young mechanic, as opposed to a fiery young novelist, you have a very different script.

LOGLINE: A fiery young novelist visits a secluded Louisiana town and ends up fighting to destroy a monstrous creature that has escaped the paramilitary group charged with studying it.

Outlawdl · Penpusher · 120 pts

I think that this logline is the better one out of the other three. It reads much easier and I find that the story is easy to imagine in its basic form, but I agree with dpg's advice further down the thread. It'll hopefully make your logline have even more impact.

Former member · Singularity · 114,968 pts

"A fiery young novelist" - Adjectives to describe a protagonist should directly relate to the problem at hand. What does "fiery" have to do with being able to survive the monster? Does "fiery'' make her a stronger or weaker person in dealing with the monster? If the answer is neither, than that particular adjective is superfluous to the logline.

Whatever adjective used to describe her preferably should indicate a character flaw, a personal issue that puts her in even greater jeopardy in relation to the creature -- to wit, increases suspense, dramatic tension.

"is unleashed by the paramilitary group " -- passive, intransitive. Action should be described with active, transitive verbs. So " when a paramilitary group unleashes a monstrous creature..."

"ends up fighting for her life ". Is anyone else's life also at stake. It's always a stronger logline if a protagonist is fighting for a cause greater than herself , or stake characters besides herself. Strongest if fighting for both.

And wouldn't her objective goal be to not merely survive, but kill the monster?

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

"A fiery young novelist" - Adjectives to describe a protagonist should directly relate to the problem at hand. What does "fiery" have to do with being able to survive the monster? Does "fiery'' make her a stronger or weaker person in dealing with the monster? If the answer is neither, than that particular adjective is superfluous to the logline.

Whatever adjective used to describe her preferably should indicate a character flaw, a personal issue that puts her in even greater jeopardy in relation to the creature -- to wit, increases suspense, dramatic tension.

"is unleashed by the paramilitary group " -- passive, intransitive. Action should be described with active, transitive verbs. So " when a paramilitary group unleashes a monstrous creature..."

"ends up fighting for her life ". Is anyone else's life also at stake. It's always a stronger logline if a protagonist is fighting for a cause greater than herself , or stake characters besides herself. Strongest if fighting for both.

And wouldn't her objective goal be to not merely survive, but kill the monster?

Richiev · Singularity · 58,825 pts

I believe your logines are getting better. I would probably put the inciting incident first however the story is getting across.

NewGrimmCity · Penpusher · 250 pts

Also, a pared down version:

A fiery young novelist visits a secluded Louisiana town and ends up fighting for her life when a monstrous creature is unleashed by the paramilitary group charged with studying it.