After his wife commits adultery , a proud South African farmer feels ostracized by his community and forms a codependent relationship with a French anarchistic cult couple that eventually turn violent on him and his family, but his fight for survival comes at tragic cost and he is confronted by the depths of his shame.

As Nir Shelter said: ?the plot is thick and confusing. I'm still not clear on several elements and how they dramatically relate to each other. ?Did?the farmer get involved in the cult through the influence of the French couple? ?Or was its just a defining characteristic of the couple that they members of a cult? ?Covert members -- he didn't know they were true believers until it was too late?

Stripped down to its essence, what is the story about? ?In 25 words or less -- forget about a well-formed logline for now-- what is the nucleus of the concept around which the entire story--all the characters, all the elements--revolve?

As Nir Shelter said: ?the plot is thick and confusing. I'm still not clear on several elements and how they dramatically relate to each other. ?Did?the farmer get involved in the cult through the influence of the French couple? ?Or was its just a defining characteristic of the couple that they members of a cult? ?Covert members -- he didn't know they were true believers until it was too late?

Stripped down to its essence, what is the story about? ?In 25 words or less -- forget about a well-formed logline for now-- what is the nucleus of the concept around which the entire story--all the characters, all the elements--revolve?

It sounds like a very thick plot, too thick in fact. There are many plot points which lack a direct relation to each other and many character descriptions that don't add much to the story.

The fact that all the events you mentioned happened in the true story, doesn't mean they all? need to make it into your story. Best to simplify the concept by choosing one event that happens to the main character, and one goal he must achieve as a result.

Also to face his shame is not a goal, or not a good cinematic one. What will he have to do, that can be filmed by a camera, in order to face his shame? Make that his goal. Then reveres engineer from the goal a fitting event that pushes him to need to achieve it.

He gets married to a? new woman? at the midpoint that totally upsets the French and this escalates the conflict.

When an ostracized farmer teams up with two strangers, his impulsive actions threaten his farm as he is drawn into a destructive killing spree in a small rural community.

I'm confused. ?Is his new wife ?the French woman, part of the cult couple who are duping him, or is she someone else mixed up in his mess?

I'm confused. ?Is his new wife ?the French woman, part of the cult couple who are duping him, or is she someone else mixed up in his mess?

Thanks man! I'm learning a lot on this platform. ;)

His Wound:? shame caused by? the infidelity and very strict parents
His Lie: he is unacceptable/flawed and inferior
His Want : to belong ( he does this by withdrawing out of town and latching on the french couple)
His Need:? face his shame

The film is actually a tragic true story. The farmer? can't get true belonging and self respect before he faces his shame(inferiority complex)? and keep making impulsive naive? decisions to please people(co dependency) - including this crazy french couple who has in a sense become his safe haven ( where he finds belonging/ a fresh start outside his own community that shunned him). He basically puts everyone in danger in the process including himself and his NEW wife? ( who only wants his money) when the french go on a killing spree after he tries to evict them off his farm. In the end he actually sells this farm which was in the family for 200 years because he is ruined by the? deep shameful mess he got himself and others into.? When he drives out of town, never to return,? he gets a? true self revelation, how self destructive his shame is , causing him to? pretty much loose everything he cares about.

Super tricky to condense this!!

Hello, I like the idea, I think you can make it a lot shorter.
I would cut this part "but his fight for survival comes at tragic cost and he is confronted by the depths of his shame",
because 'tragic cost' is vague, and 'confronted by the depths of his shame' is not a clear visual element of the plot (it seems more an explanation of the inner conflict).

Then ask yourself what is the real element that put the story in motion: the adultery, the meeting with the french couple, or the first violent act of the couple. I think the violence of the couple is not clear enough, what do you mean exacly? Maybe the adultery could be just back story?

I wonder if the nationality of the couple is really foundamental, in the logline. The fact that they are french doesn't seem related to any other element in the logline. Maybe what is interesting is that the farmer is african native and the couple is caucasian, this could be the framework for a kind of sadomasochistic relation.

Finally, I miss a clear active goal for the main character. What is his goal? To win back the love of his wife? To punish her? To punish himself? The goal can change at the very end of the movie in the moment of the self revelation and this can be a very effective moment.

Every word counts, so ask yourself why each word is there. To understand if a word is necessary, ask yourself if it is related to other elements- if not it's just a detail that should be avoided. I like the word "proud" for exemple because it's the character's flow and it relates to the adultery and, I imagine, to the final fight agaist the French couple (the main character's flaw becomes his strenght).

Good luck.