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2 reviews
I'm concerned about "loafer" making him passive / inactive. He seems active based on what he does in your description.
Needs work Stakes and urgency Causality and coherence
The story is certainly topical. And controversial (understatement).
You labeled the story as a comedy. My expectation is that it will play out as a dark comedy.
I like most of the ingredients for your script, but I have concerns about the recipe, the proportions of some of the story elements.
For example, the logline understates the stakes. The protagonist risks not just exposure, but arrest and imprisonment. The folks who run ICE are ruthless and unforgiving. If he is caught, he will do hard time. And ICE will expedite his girlfriend's deportation. That's their m.o.
Also, it is hard for me to suspend disbelief about the protagonist's motivation for taking the job in the first place. That may just be me. Others' mileage may differ.
It's your story. Best wishes.