Hi JBalmer,
I like your premise - this kind of thing is right up my street, definitely something I'd watch as a TV show or a film. ?My initial thoughts are:
- I feel like you have 2 inciting incidents? ?1) the evildoers escaping, 2) the sophomore being imbues with power...
- Did anyone else come out of hell? ?What about the lesser evildoers? ? I think you're using a lot of word count when you could lump the monsters and criminals together with one description.
- Feels a bit like a neurotic Buffy? ?What makes this so different - is it a 'Willow' spin-off?
- It reads as though you've summed up what happens - the sophomore has the power to send them back... so where are the stakes?
- 'Finds herself imbued with the power' - this is very vague... is she a chosen one?
- 'College-sophomore'... this means nothing to me in the UK - are there different types of sophomore or can you drop the college tag?
- Consider rephrasing it focussing on one inciting incident and outlining or implying what's at stake...
- A rough shot... A neurotic sophomore must fulfil her destiny to save the world when hell unleashes its most heinous monsters to overthrow humanity.
Regards
Trix
