An Elizabethan do-gooder is framed for his father’s murder and takes refuge with the most notorious thieves in England. When their leader is captured, he must choose: join them and return to the scene of the crime, or run away and remain an outlaw.

Hi Legend_of,

the beginning of your logline sounds interesting but then the second part is quite puzzling. Your character seems to either way become a criminal so what is really at stake ? Who's the antagonist in your main character's journey ?

Ok it'll sound cliche but creating a character that would hold back the do-gooder from running away like for example the daughter of the thieves leader or maybe a younger sibling that needs his care and make him want to fight and find out the real murderer could make us see the character's struggles and make stakes higher.
What would he gain from running away ? Finding support from family away and heal himself from the pain o his father's passing, saving his life because his father's murderer is on to kill him ...

It sounds promising but things are missing to make it exciting and thrilling to look forward to watching it.

Wonderful insights all around, guys.

This is something I do wonder. Are the terms "Elizabethan" and "Highwayman" too foreign. If It is "In 1590 England..." will it automatically switch off people's interest because it sounds too much like a history?

How can I pique people's interest with the adventure of it a la Robin Hood or Zorro? In both of those, the era isn't important, it's only a backdrop. The Elizabethan era is rife with outlaws and corruption, and an established societal hierarchy to butt up against. But how to color the logline with that, without using terms from a history book?

Also "he must choose:" is indecisive.

Loglines are about the choice the protagonist actually makes, not about whether he has to make a dramatic choice,"to be or not to be". A logline describes an inciting incident and the choice that event compels or motivates the protagonist to make..

The plot is about the consequences of that choice.

re: Anonymous -- Yes, those who think the Beatles are ancient history would be confused. But I don't think it would give pause to anyone in the (presumed) target audience, and the author needs to decide whether to limit the audience size.
re: RichieV -- Right. As-is it's confusing. Actually, in the second sentence, the antecedent of "he" is "their leader," which I believe is not what the author intends.
In general -- although the storyline of a framed protagonist is very common, it remains a strong concept because (1) here we have a setting that's not typical for this storyline, and (2) it's very relatable -- I think most of us can relate to being unjustly accused of something or other. Not that I was EVER guilty, of course.

Would some one from out side of the UK know when the Elibethan era was? I am wondering whether having an actual date such as 1590 or the end of the 16th century would clear up any confusion.
I also agree with Richiev.

Good call.

Whoever "them" is needs to be identified. Is the protagonist confronted between joining the thieves to exact revenge for his father's murder, or to instead rescue their leader? If he declines either, would he be choosing to join some other, unknown third-party, or part ways from the thieves to become a "lone wolf" instead?

On that note, the father's murder is avenged, right? The story can't just be about the Alpha Thief's rescue; unless, of course, the murder and capture were committed by the same antagonist.

Interesting, but clarity is much needed!