An ex-con, out to kill a reformed paedophile, falls for the man’s protective sister.
by thedarkhorse · Maestro · 3,495 pts
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Perhaps I should mention his past?
How about this one:
An ex-con, with an abusive past, sets out to kill the reformed paedophile next-door, only to fall for the man's protective sister.
Darkhorse:
I think you have a potentially interesting story.? But I still think it's makes more sense emotionally, makes for a stronger story if he was the victim of the man he seeks to kill.? It is also more congruent with the your stated theme of forgiveness.
That's my 2.5 cents worth.
If you don't see it that way, well, it's your story. Write the version you want to write.? I have nothing more to contribute other than to repeat that that the logline needs to clearly state the protagonist was the victim of sexual abuse.
Darkhorse:
I think you have a potentially interesting story.? But I still think it's makes more sense emotionally, makes for a stronger story if he was the victim of the man he seeks to kill.? It is also more congruent with the your stated theme of forgiveness.
That's my 2.5 cents worth.
If you don't see it that way, well, it's your story. Write the version you want to write.? I have nothing more to contribute other than to repeat that that the logline needs to clearly state the protagonist was the victim of sexual abuse.