An interstellar hitman is forced together with an intrepid, young archeologist in a race against a ruthless mercenary group to find the legendary fortune of an ancient civilization.
Categories: SciFi
5 reviews
I saw the earlier post, and original log line, so I know?you've done a ton of development on this. ?With both this new version, and the previous version it feels like you have a lot going on in the story. ?It's a big story, so you want to tell us about the big pieces. ?But I think from the start you've been telling us too much. ?This is a journey story. ?He needs money, lots of it, and is on a quest to get it. ?Big bad guys are in the way. ?While I'm certain the archeologist plays a key roll in the script, it's likely the B story love interest. ?With this much going on, try just focusing on the A story.
Essentially it's a story of a treasure hunt in outer space: an odd couple must partner up to find a legendary fortune before some one else does.
Unlike the version 1.0, there is now a rival for the loot which should increase dramatic tension and suspension. ?That's an improvement.
My problem concerns the stakes: ?these days, finding or stealing money or treasure for the sake of the loot is never enough in a movie. ?The principal characters want the money all right-- but they also want to use the heist or hunt as a means to accomplish ?something else.
It seems to me that something more than mere greed for gain should be at stake.
Take "Ocean's Eleven" (version 2.0). ?Danny Ocean hasn't taken a vow of poverty. ?Nor has the man staking Danny, Ruben Tishkoff. ?Both also want more than just the money. ?Ruben wants revenge on Terry Benedict for muscling Ruben out of his casino and then blowing it up. ?Danny wants to win back his ex, Tess. who is now Benedict's trophy girlfriend.
So, it seems to me, there needs to be something more at stake than the merely the satisfaction of greed in this story. ?What, I dunno. ?Although the Indiana Jones movies show how treasure hunts can have bigger and more socially redeemable stakes than mere greed.
Essentially it's a story of a treasure hunt in outer space: an odd couple must partner up to find a legendary fortune before some one else does.
Unlike the version 1.0, there is now a rival for the loot which should increase dramatic tension and suspension. ?That's an improvement.
My problem concerns the stakes: ?these days, finding or stealing money or treasure for the sake of the loot is never enough in a movie. ?The principal characters want the money all right-- but they also want to use the heist or hunt as a means to accomplish ?something else.
It seems to me that something more than mere greed for gain should be at stake.
Take "Ocean's Eleven" (version 2.0). ?Danny Ocean hasn't taken a vow of poverty. ?Nor has the man staking Danny, Ruben Tishkoff. ?Both also want more than just the money. ?Ruben wants revenge on Terry Benedict for muscling Ruben out of his casino and then blowing it up. ?Danny wants to win back his ex, Tess. who is now Benedict's trophy girlfriend.
So, it seems to me, there needs to be something more at stake than the merely the satisfaction of greed in this story. ?What, I dunno. ?Although the Indiana Jones movies show how treasure hunts can have bigger and more socially redeemable stakes than mere greed.