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Senior clinical psychologist Peter Bower?s life is in turmoil when he reluctantly accepts that all his patients are ghosts. Upon further investigation he discovers they all died on the same day. In a spine-tingling, supernatural thriller, Peter travels back to his past to confront a secret he has kept for 20 years
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Cool idea for a Sixth Sense-like supernatural thriller! You've got two intriguing hooks: the mystery of why his patients all died on the same day, and travelling back in time to confront a twenty year old secret.
I think it needs to be clearer in the logline how the ghost and time travel ideas are related, because at the moment it sounds like pitches for two different movies. Perhaps he travels back in time to find out why they all died, and discovers he is personally linked to their deaths?
Also, be careful with "travels back to his past", because I'm not sure if it means time travel, or just revisiting his past. Maybe "travels back in time" is clearer.
Here's my attempt:
When a senior psychologist discovers his patients are all ghosts who died on the same day, he must travel back in time to find out why, confronting his dark past.
- Judge, Patrockable
I would be more interested to know the flaw of the psychologist rather than his seniority and full name.
?Reluctantly accepts? suggest a gradual change. I would replace it with ?realises? which suggests sudden insight. I would leave out ?in a spine-tingling supernatural thriller? - use words that only serve to tell the story.
The logline suggests that he KNOWS his patients have something to do with his secret past. This may rob the reader of some of the mystery. We want to find out at the same time as the psychologist which occurs at the midpoint reversal.
I would mention the obstacles if you want to keep the antagonist's identity a surprise. I would be interested to see this posted a second time ? leaner and meaner!
Judge.
At 52 words your stretching the boundaries of a logline. I'd leave out the genre and the psychologist name. Plus you could reword it to convey the same information more concisely.
The story is clear, I would be interested in watching. But it's still lacking a personal touch to really pull an audience in. Maybe a detail regarding the psychologist, or what's at stake if he fails, are the ghosts on his side or against him?
- Judge, Paul.
