Categories: Public
Against the Fall
As he chronicles one tenacious man's fight to survive after a nuclear holocaust decimates life on Earth, a dedicated and determined alien observer must decide whether to obey or defy orders to terminate humanity.
Same thread for the story, different approach.
Inciting incident -
According to your last post the inciting incident is the destruction of Earth by man kind. This is not a good inciting incident as this takes place over many centuries as a result of many actions and events.
Where as an inciting incident needs to be a single event done to the main character by a force other than them selves.
Hero -
According to your last post "...one troubled survivor?" will be the main character one is implicit in the description no need to mention it.
Troubled is a generic none specific description that doesn't describe a character flaw that will present an obstacle for the MC to achieve his goal. Almost all characters are troubled from Vito Corleone to Wayne Campbell question is, in what way is your character uniquely troubled that works best for this story?
Goal -
According to your last post the MC "...must convince them spare mankind and secure their future as a species?"
As a rule of thumb I normally say if I can't describe the MC's goal in less than three words it isn't a good goal.
How will he convince a whole department of alien scientists? More importantly what will this look like? A camera will have to show this goal being achieved but how exactly?
Will he hold a summit and have lengthy discussions with the observers department heads? I just can't see the climactic scene at the end of act 3 from this.
If he were to need to kill the alien leader who is an anti homo-sapien then the climactic scene will be just that. Otherwise to see a man try to convince a bunch of aliens that humans are good doesn't sound cinematic, compelling or achievable in 110 minutes with a camera.
Stakes -
According to your last post the stakes are that "...alien observers are ordered to halt a 100,000-year experiment?" i.e do one thing, then "...collect viable specimens?" do a second thing, then "...terraform the planet?" do a third thing.
Which is it that most impacts the main character? Which will be his motivation?
Because there are several actions the aliens are ordered to take the plot is unclear because it isn't explained what exactly the MC will be doing in the story.
When mankind destroys their planet (main event), alien observers are ordered to halt a 100,000-year experiment they have been running, collect viable specimens from the human survivors and terraform the planet (stakes), one troubled survivor (hero) must convince them spare mankind and secure their future as a species (what he must do).
Thanks, no feedback is bad and straightforward is good.
There appears to be a few fundamental problems with this concept. Fundamental problems such as these that are not resolved are often indicative of faulty concepts.
Please forgive my candidness (few appreciate strait forward feedback).
The first and most glaring problem is the mix of plots -
You seam to have one plot; guy fights aliens to save humanity and another plot guy saves girl.
First and foremost decide which plot this story should be and structure the logline to that.
The second is that you are trying to re tell the story from a book -
If you decide to adapt a book to screen you will need to make any necessary changes required for screen, this doesn't seam to be the case here as you keep referring back to the original novel.
The third problem is the basic structure of a logline -
Loglines are tools we use to either convey a plot for pitching purposes or aid in the structuring of a plot for writing purposes they also help us identify flawed concepts that are not worth pursuing.
There are subtle differences between the types of log lines according to function but the basic structure is the same.
Here is a link to a page that explains this basic structure:
https://loglines.org/howto/
In short try to prioritise clarity in a logline by specifying a main character with a flaw that experiences a significant event that causes him or her to need to take action to achieve a goal. Most of these elements do not exist in many of the iterations of your logline.
There appears to be a few fundamental problems with this concept. Fundamental problems such as these that are not resolved are often indicative of faulty concepts.
Please forgive my candidness (few appreciate strait forward feedback).
The first and most glaring problem is the mix of plots -
You seam to have one plot; guy fights aliens to save humanity and another plot guy saves girl.
First and foremost decide which plot this story should be and structure the logline to that.
The second is that you are trying to re tell the story from a book -
If you decide to adapt a book to screen you will need to make any necessary changes required for screen, this doesn't seam to be the case here as you keep referring back to the original novel.
The third problem is the basic structure of a logline -
Loglines are tools we use to either convey a plot for pitching purposes or aid in the structuring of a plot for writing purposes they also help us identify flawed concepts that are not worth pursuing.
There are subtle differences between the types of log lines according to function but the basic structure is the same.
Here is a link to a page that explains this basic structure:
https://loglineit.com/howto/
In short try to prioritise clarity in a logline by specifying a main character with a flaw that experiences a significant event that causes him or her to need to take action to achieve a goal. Most of these elements do not exist in many of the iterations of your logline.
