by Former member · 114,968 pts
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Thank you so much everyone.
Not sure i can say what is needed in 25 words; His reason. His best friend, also scientist returned to the town after Uni, he did not and he cant believe his friend has bought into the local urban legend. as far as he is concerned seeing is believing and he wants to prove there is a scientific explanation for what is going on. I wrote this logline before I read your ideas.
Instead of returning home for some R&R a Marine Biologist becomes embroiled in a mission to debunk the locals belief that a sea creature is responsible for recent deaths.
Once again thank you so much for taking the time to help.
Without trying to dictate your story, could perhaps have a thriving tourisr town which has been built up thanks to a local legend. When the hero proves it to be a hoax or just an urban legend people stop visiting, and he is blamed.
several years later he is asked to come back, as it has re-emerged. The town is now broke and the locals are against him. Tourists start comming back to hunt this monster, so the town is doing well.
The town hate him for what he did, and hate him for what he may do. They may not trust nor believe him, which could put them in danger.
Like Richiev and dpg, the main set of problems I have is with your protagonist. For one, if he's returning to his home town, he's already familiar with the setting, so it becomes too easy for him. For a second, if he already is beyond their archaic beliefs,? there's little potential for a character arc. For a third, there's no personal goal for him ? what does he get out of it? ? how will he improve society by achieving his goal? ? and while we're at it, what ? specifically ? is his goal (it needs to be something we can SEE)?
Next, because the locals believe in water monsters, I think we need to get a feel for the setting ? is it some backwater Louisiana swamp village, a medieval lake community a stone's throw from Transylvania, where/when?
And finally ? sort of in line with what lewisricekrispey said, I have no idea what Finding the truth will not set him free? means.
I think there's a story here; it just needs to be clarified and made more visual.
Good luck,
...............j
