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3 reviews
First, at 83 words, it is much too long. Try to keep a logline under 40 words, whereby shorter is better. Second, your logline is all background and setting, there is no inciting incident that kicks off the story and no objective goal for the hero to reach. Third, the hero is described in generic terms as a "young adult", whereas he should be described in terms of strengths that will help him reach his goal, or better yet, weakness that will hinder him from reaching his goal. Finally, as this story is set in a dystopian future, it might better be classified as science fiction instead of adventure.
Agree with yqwertz on every point.
Particularly the point about the protagonist being described in general terms.? He comes across as a generic combo Savior/SJW (- Social Justice Warrior).? What distinguishes him from all the other scripts and story ideas about would-be Saviors?? (And there plenty of them in loglines posted here.)? What's his mojo, what makes him uniquely qualified, humanity's best and only hope to avoid extinction?
Agree with yqwertz on every point.
Particularly the point about the protagonist being described in general terms.? He comes across as a generic combo Savior/SJW (- Social Justice Warrior).? What distinguishes him from all the other scripts and story ideas about would-be Saviors?? (And there plenty of them in loglines posted here.)? What's his mojo, what makes him uniquely qualified, humanity's best and only hope to avoid extinction?