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There is real potential here to tell a worthwhile and topical story about the protagonist rising above defeatism, negativity, and ignorance. However the logline presented is verbose and details the wrong things. It needs to be sharper and more dramatic. For example, "a young boy reaches out to explore his love of acting, however his disintegrating family and riotsome neighbourhood do not lightly permit such lofty pursuits. His kinsmen are bent to make him abandon art and freedom for the sake of keeping to his Aboriginal roots." There is a powerful story here for a courageous director.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge.
A bit long and disjointed, I'd say. As Nick points out, start out with "the young Aboriginal boy", and you should always start with words like "When", or "As", or "After", etc.
"When an aboriginal boy chooses between acting or staying in the family business, his choice could result in losing his loved one's, his financial security, and his girlfriend to the evil store manager."
Not a good logline, and certainly not yours, but that's the general set-up.
