Two recusant boys have 36 hours to reach the historic return of the first spacecraft to contact alien life after their plan to surreptitiously view it in a friends dorm is obstructed by the boarding schools strictly enforced orthodox precepts.

People don't usually go a long journey to disprove something they believe in. It ain't natural as they say. They would simply live in denial until someone or something made them see things differently.

That was exactly my issue with what I wrote.

To clarify, are you suggesting the boys venture to prove the landing is a hoax, but perhaps the 'twist' is that it turns out to be real? Something along the lines of:

When an alien vessel arrives on Earth, two devout boy's race to disprove the landing as a hoax, only to discover their orthodox worldview may not be as accurate as they believed.

I still don't get why the landing is perilous to film?

People don't usually go a long journey to disprove something they believe in. It ain't natural as they say. They would simply live in denial until someone or something made them see things differently.

Just because aliens land doesn't mean the whole everything in life gets turned upside down. That would be sad if it does.

So, what's the message of your story? Faith's are challenged daily, are they disproving an alien hoax before they leave? That would be a real goal within the struggle.

Thanks heaps Foxtrot, i've been trying to be parsimonious with the logline and reduce it to the basics, but - as I am sure you know - when you revise and think about it repeatedly, it can become a blur. Your prompt was exactly what I needed I think!

I quickly threw this together, the problem I fear this revisions creates is?why the 'devout' boys are compelled to take this journey...

When an alien vessel arrives on Earth, two devout boys challenge their faith with a perilous journey to film the landing and (impugn/falsify) their theocratic commune.

Reads much better, Nindif. It still feels as though you are trying to stuff too much into a single log. I think lose the specifics and focus on the general.

When an alien vessel arrives on Earth, two devout boys challenge their faith with a journey of _____.

Now, what is their journey that will fill the 3 acts? What is the real mission that must be resolved before the final curtain? I hope there is one.

Thanks for the guidance dpg, its certainly helping clarify the concept for me. Is a singular hook prominent in?this revision (Trying to focus on the boys journey: inciting incident, flawed character, goal)?

When an alien vessel arrives on earth, two devout boys are undeniably drawn across the wasteland to falsify their strictly religious commune after all media coverage is censored.

?

?

>>>The overarching conflict is the physical journey to witness the aliens, followed by the conflict between the boys faith and their religious upbringing, followed (in the background) by the conflict between humankind and its disagreements about what the arrival means.

IMHO, ?the story is trying to juggle too many balls. ??Which single one is the story hook?

Also the nature of the religion of the commune is unclear. ?What do ?you mean by "orthodox"? ?Orthodox ?in the context of Judaism, orthodox in the context of Eastern Christianity (Greek, Russian, Syrian)? ?Or...?