When a starving empire’s water mines run dry, two slave girls must revive a mythical power that could save the world.

Sure - yes the script came first :)

It's just interesting to see how rearranging the elements of the logline/sentence can describe such a different story!

Did you write the script first or the logline ?? I haven't read the script so Im only going off the logline provided.

Thanks for the suggestion Tor Dollhouse but I'm not really sure what you're getting at - your logline may have a better sentence structure (?) but it's actually describing quite a different script to the one I've written...

Thanks for the feedback everyone, I made a couple of alterations based on your suggestions before submitting to the competition thingy :)

I agree with Tor. The subject of the sentence is wrong.

The term "water mine" makes me see people deep underground with pick axes chopping ice out of the ground. It's just such an odd image that I'd love to see that on the big screen.