When an underprivileged Pakistani boy is murdered by his richer and more influential counterpart, his friends set on a journey to seek justice in a corrupt world designed to protect those in power. But is it justice they seek or revenge?

After failing to charge the son of a corrupt politician for the murder of his best friend, a desperate lawyer takes justice into his own hands by...(Blowing up the Pakistani National Assembly/ becoming a politician himself to overthrow the government/ inciting a revolution in the streets of Islamibad... Whatever it is is the hero HAS/ is spurned to do because of the death of his best friend...or whatever happens in this true story...)

For some reason my placeholders for (NAME) were omitted because I used brackets:

"Based on the true story of (NAME), a young atty, ...."

Question - if the lawyer is trying to "seek justice" in court system, then isn't that in a way "revenge" since he's connected to the victim? Also, I would omit the "inspiring" and leave it at "Based on the true story of ..."

I don't think the moral dilemma is compelling enough - there needs to be a stronger goal even if it's internalized.

"Based on the true story of , a young attorney, who seeks to avenge the death of his best friend at the hands of a corrupt Karachi politician."

I'll try it again. how does this work?
"The inspiring true story of a rookie lawyer who learns of the brutal murder of his best friend in the streets of Karachi by a rich and powerful politician, He attempts the impossible by trying to seek justice in a corrupt world designed to protect those in power. When he realises that the courts and people of Pakistan have failed him, he reaches a moral dilemma; Is it justice he seeks or revenge?

Keep it simple. You've given a character flaw to the person who dies immediately, you spend a lot of time describing the antagonist, and then you don't identify who the actual protagonist is.

"After his best friend is murdered, a (character flaw) (protagonist) must ..."

I also don't know what your story is actually about. What is your protagonist's objective goal? Does he have to physically find the evidence to prove who committed the murder? Does he have to raise the money with the support of his community to hire a lawyer to take the murderer to court? Is he himself a lawyer, and must take on this wealthy son of a corporate giant?

AND ... who is trying to stop your character? I get that in the real world, it's a dozen different systems that are in place. But in movies, you need to give a face and a name to those systems, and there has to be ONE person who, when they beat them, the audience will know the protagonist has won ... and not before.

Wow - why did I say Afghanistan?!? Sorry for that!

Here's something I put together ... may or may not be on the same page ... but just food for thought:

"[Name], an underprivileged Pakistani teen, is gruesomely murdered and the Karachi government turns a corrupt blind eye to protect the wealthy family who harbor their suspected teen son. [Name's] friends swear to avenge his death before the same government officials can retain their power with next month's election."

The second sentence could be anything else ... just an example.