When dark and disturbing children’s drawings come alive. Its creator, a little girl distressed and insecure, must face and erase these drawings from her life before they control her forever.

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Hi! I?m creating a Logline for a Animated short movie. I appreciate your feedback

12 reviews

thedarkhorse · Mentor · 3,495 pts

Hi alejob.

I thought I'd give this a go. I'm not sure about the ellipses. (Probably breaks some logline rule or something.)

When her drawings come alive, a little girl discovers she has no control over them, and must erase them before they become increasingly darker, more disturbing... and powerful.

Hopefully reader fills in they were dark/disturbing to begin with.

"Powerful" suggests the best is yet to come.

 

deborah_b · Penpusher · 295 pts

Great concept! I like your second revision.

It's not clear to me, though, what the stakes are in that second revision. WHY must she find a way to get rid of her disturbing art creations, and HOW are they tormenting her?

I like that the drawings are coming to life, and I'd try to keep that element. 'When her terrifying drawings come to life, a young orphan must find a way to stop her own nightmare images from killing her.' For example.

Keep it up!

alejob · Penpusher · 60 pts

(2nd revision)
When her father dies and dark drawings begin to torment her, a traumatized little girl must find a way to get rid of her disturbing art creations and find inspiration to move on with her life.