When the sole survivor of a destroyed lifeboat is pulled aboard a sinking luxury liner, he is plunged into further chaos as the crew begins to abandon the doomed passengers of the SS Arctic.

by Garrett · Initiate · 59 pts 36 views

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Though this logline is written from a single perspective, this story follows a few different character perspectives aboard the sinking ship. I couldn’t find an elegant way to describe the story from more than one perspective, so I’ve described it from a perspective that has an element of irony to it. (That irony being that this character has survived one boat disaster and is now facing another bigger one.)

The to-be screenplay is based on the true events of the 1854 sinking of the SS Arctic.

5 reviews

dogger · Script Doctor · 87,220 pts ★ Accepted

Strengths Filmable incident Real stakes

Needs work Clear goal

Since your story is based upon an historical event, I suggest that the logline should include the date.

I couldn't make sense of this version of your logline until I discovered from some online research that the precipitating event for the tragedy was a *collision* of two vessels. So, I suggest that detail should be incorporated in the logline.

As for telling a story from multiple points of view, well, that's tricky. James Cameron, who knows a thing or three about plotting, incorporated multiple points of view in his movie, Titanic.

But all of them hung on one plot spine, the love story between Rose and Jack. The relationship between those two characters is the primary focus of the movie. And a logline should be about the plot spine, the primary focus of the story.

One possible plot spine might be what his objective goal became after the crew abandoned the passengers. That appears to have been why the sinking was not just a tragedy, but a scandal. (Just as in the sinking of the Titanic, a major scandal was that the ship was not equipped with enough lifeboats.)

And like it or not, your script will be compared with the sinking of the Titanic. So, what is the unique selling point that distinguishes this tragedy from the tragedy of that befell the passengers on the Titanic?

Anyway, it's an interesting project. Very best wishes!

Logline Medic · Initiate · 60 pts

Strengths Cause & effect Filmable incident Real stakes

Needs work Clear goal

Lots to love here! A specific character, an event that forces the story, no filler or hedging. But 'Plunged into further chaos' is a feeling/situation, not an action. Nothing he wants or does is stated: no pursuit, no endpoint. Antagonist is unnamed—crew abandoning ship is an event, not an opposing force with agency.
I like the irony: he's rescued onto a sinking ship, keeping the survival stakes alive.
You still need a concrete goal (save passengers, secure a lifeboat, expose the crew) and preferably a named antagonist to oppose it.

Here's a bad version, addressing the lack of specificity:

"When the sole survivor of a shattered lifeboat is hauled aboard a sinking luxury liner, he must fight the ship's mutinous officers to force open the last lifeboats before the vessel drags every remaining passenger under."

I understand this is the beginning of the development of the story. Hopefully this feedback helps you focus further brainstorming.

Garrett · Initiate · 59 pts

Hi dogger,

Thanks for making me aware of the clarity issue, which is significant as the ship collision proceeding this event is indeed the inciting incident of the film. As the current version of this logline is currently for my own personal use, I've tried to focus on a unique event that happens shortly after the inciting incitent, which is likely around the Break Into Two story beat (as far as Save the Cat story structure is concerned). Now I'm reminded that this particular maritime tragedy has fallen out of common knowledge—it was after all shunned from public interest after the sinking of the Titanic—so I will need to be more clear about the context of the event when re-writing this is a pitch-ready logline.

Now regarding how to make this idea stand apart from the 1997 Titanic film...

The inspiration of my screenplay stems from my own mixed emotional response to James Cameron's Titanic. Whilst the fictional elements of that film make for an entertaining movie, in retrospect, I find some of the romanticized creative liberties muddy the truth of the sinking a bit too much for my liking. It's with this in mind that I want to differentiate my sinking ship film by presenting a raw, honest and downright horrific retelling of the sinking of the SS Arctic.

The underlying theme of this project is, "truth is stranger than fiction," and the interesting part is that this particular sinking has some very hard-to-believe details that, when presented as truthfully as possible, could appear far fetched to the average viewer. These details, if presented well enough, could juxtapose interestingly with the theme I have in mind.

(Note: The theme I've mentioned is more of a structural theme to help guide the core identity of the screenplay. In other words the character driven plot isn't centered around truthfulness.)

dogger · Script Doctor · 87,220 pts

Garrett:

>> my own mixed emotional response to James Cameron's Titanic

I have mixed feelings about it, too. But Cameron was/is a savvy business man. He knew he had to attract the biggest, widest possible audience to recoup the enormous cost--US$200,000,000, which in 1997 was real money.

He understood that the story hook for men was spectacle, the special effects; for women, romance, the love story.

>>"truth is stranger than fiction,"

A strong selling point. So I suggest your *marketing* logline start out with "The true story of..." or something similar.

A final observation. There is saying attributed to Stalin -- yeah, comrade Joseph Stalin: "The death of a single person is a tragedy, the death of a million is a statistic."

IMHO: there is a germ of psychological insight to be gleaned from that quote. And that is, in drama, it is easier for an audience to emotionally invest in a single character, (or in a romance, two characters) than in a cast of thousands.

Can you point to one commercially or critically successful movie with a cast of hundreds, thousands where the plot focuses on more than 2 or 3, maybe 4 characters? At the moment, I can think of only one: Chernobyl. And it was a mini-series, spread over more than 5 hours, 5 episodes. (Obviously, a series gives you space-time to focus on more characters, work out more plot threads)

Even so, I think a marketable logline for Chernobyl can be narrowed down to the struggle of one character. Here's a logline I came up with: "After the nuclear power plant catastrophe at Chernobyl in April, 1986, a Russian scientist battles against incompetence, ideology and lies to contain the radiation while discovering the truth of how it happened."(32 words)

Hope this helps. As I said you have an interesting subject. Very best wishes.