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When two criminal old friends become enemies and seek advice, a clever gangster boss must hide himself to make them end each other, just to learn that time heals all wounds.
Hi Henrik S, First, I assume that a word is missing here: "... to make them end each other _ ..., " but I'll try to give you my take here anyway, even if the syntax of the sentence makes it hard to interpret. The logline presented ends with a character arc, a development of our hero, which is very uRead more
Hi Henrik S,
First, I assume that a word is missing here: “… to make them end each other _ …, ” but I’ll try to give you my take here anyway, even if the syntax of the sentence makes it hard to interpret.
The logline presented ends with a character arc, a development of our hero, which is very unclear who that is. Could be any of the three characters the way I read it, because from the sentence syntax, I can’t tell who you mean when you write “… just to learn that time heals all wounds.” A character arc in general is not part of a logline. If you have an easier time imagining charcter developemnt before a story emerges, fine. Keep in mind though, the character arc, or hero’s journey will only be completed because he’s trying to achieve a specific goal and must face antagonism which he is not capable of overcoming with his current psychological resources. In other words, what external conlfict will force our hero to understand that time heals all wounds? If he doesn’t struggle, he won’t get it. When humans change, they change out of necessity more often than out of sheer will, that is the underpinning of any chracter developement. They are changed by their experience more often than their willforce.
Keeping all this in mind, we need a specific goal for the hero to vie for, as well as tangible consqsequences shoudl he fail to do so, or in other terms, stakes. Also, we need antagonism the hero must overcome to achieve said goal. A useful logline formula her would be, “Protagonist + Struggle with Antagonist + Death Stakes.” It’s one of many, but contains all the vital ingredients for the major conflict in the idea and will fuel the entire narrative.
Without the missing parts and the correct syntax for the logline it’s almost impossible to craft some suggestion.
Cheers,
See lessBeeZeeBee
A professional interplanetary Anti christ falls in love with the christ figure on a new planet and must find a way to stop Armageddon so they can live happily ever after.
Hi Hebe, Okay, let's take that logline apart... Protagonist: "A professional interplanetary antichrist..." I'm not certain I know what that means exactly, which makes interpreting the rest of the logline almost impossible. Struggle with Antagonist: "... falls in love with the christ figure on a newRead more
Hi Hebe,
Okay, let’s take that logline apart…
Protagonist: “A professional interplanetary antichrist…” I’m not certain I know what that means exactly, which makes interpreting the rest of the logline almost impossible.
Struggle with Antagonist: “… falls in love with the christ figure on a new planet and must find a way to stop Armageddon…” I suppose this is where the main conflict should come from. However, how do you visualise a love affair with the christ figure. I am just going to assume this is a comedy, since that is the only way I personally see this working. Why is the new planet important here and where is Armageddon suddenly coming from? Would be nice to at least have a hint here whether we’re facing some natural catastrophe or a villain and what exactly the protagonist must do in order to prevent disaster. That would also give us a clue in what ways the hero is actually ill-suited or well-suited for the task.
Death Stakes / Tangible Consequence of Failure: “… so they can live happily ever after.” That means it’s at heart a love story, which is always a good stake to play. I would try to clarify the main source of conflict, which is the part with the Armageddon and why exactly our hero actually needs to be the hero of the story, as many people would lose their loved ones.
Hope that contains something useful.
Cheers,
See lessBeeZeeBee
When a reserved, yet passionate ostrich gets an opportunity to work with a renowned racing trainer, he decides to push himself to the max to win a contest against the most revered racer in the town’s history.
Hi grbrinkley. While I can see the struggle for a reserved ostrich to win a race competition, I'm not sure I would agree this trait creates the most conflict for he goal he's trying to achieve. As an extreme example, "clumsy" or "untalented" would be an adjective that would create much more conflictRead more
Hi grbrinkley.
See lessWhile I can see the struggle for a reserved ostrich to win a race competition, I’m not sure I would agree this trait creates the most conflict for he goal he’s trying to achieve. As an extreme example, “clumsy” or “untalented” would be an adjective that would create much more conflict for the story, while passionate seems somewhat redundant, as we assume that’s the reason the ostrich I swilling to embark on this journey in the first place.
Another point would be the stakes, or in other words, the tangible consequences of the ostrich failing to win the tournament? Why would that event be devastating to our ostrich? Does he need money to save his sick mother? Did he fail throughout his life at whatever he touched and will give up entirely after this? I hope you see what I mean.
Last point would be that you’re missing an antagonist. In the genre you’ve picked, that would usually be a rival that is usually also the favourite to win and our ostrich is the underdog. People love to root for the underdog. Maybe it’s personal as well. The rival is someone who used to bully the ostrich, a mean cousin, an ex-girlfriend…something that will increase the conflict and stakes even further.
Also, why would a renowned racing trainer even look at our ostrich?
A finished logline in that arena would look maybe something like this:
“An untalented ostrich must beat his ex – a legendary racer he’s still in love with – in a racing competition only with the help of a rundown coach, if he wants to earn the money to save his sick mother.” That would be a way to infuse the concept with much more conflict. Hope that helps.