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When a colonisation crew of four escaping a threatened earth, awakens by ship failure, a useless artist must save the mission and mankind from a captain, incorrectly believing one of them isn?t human.
My question would be what happens during the first part (10 pages if you're writing feature length) of the story? When does this 'failure' occur? It sounds like the ship failure would be your inciting incident, but if that's the case.. what happens before that? The people are sleeping on the ship, rRead more
My question would be what happens during the first part (10 pages if you’re writing feature length) of the story? When does this ‘failure’ occur? It sounds like the ship failure would be your inciting incident, but if that’s the case.. what happens before that? The people are sleeping on the ship, right? If thats the case what is your setup?
Anyways.. here is my take..
See less“After a spaceship malfunction awakens the crew, while fleeing an infested Earth, a dysfunctional artist struggles against a paranoid captain for control of the mission.”
IF the malfunction and the crew waking up happens right at the beginning then it’s not your inciting incident… so you could get rid of it and replace it with the actual incident.
Good, luck. Story sounds cool.
Wanting to right his ancestors wrongdoings during the slave-trade era, a youngboy struggles to attain peace as he unwittingly rekindles an age long war.
Rekindling the war is your inciting incident, correct? It's what sets the story in motion? If so I would put that first. That will help separate the two instances of war in your logline and help eliminate the confusion. 'After rekindling an ancient war..." Do you know HOW the protagonist restarts thRead more
Rekindling the war is your inciting incident, correct? It’s what sets the story in motion? If so I would put that first. That will help separate the two instances of war in your logline and help eliminate the confusion.
‘After rekindling an ancient war…”
Do you know HOW the protagonist restarts the war? Depending on what the HOW is that may be important enough to include.
See lessA renowned FBI agent must stop the world's most powerful man before he brings the planet to the brink of environmental destruction.
This feels a bit too general. I'd say you need to be more specific. Why? How? You want to catch someone's attention with a logline and if you're too general your story will blend in with many others. Maybe try including the inciting incident and be more specific with how he stops the man.
This feels a bit too general. I’d say you need to be more specific. Why? How? You want to catch someone’s attention with a logline and if you’re too general your story will blend in with many others.
See lessMaybe try including the inciting incident and be more specific with how he stops the man.