1. Posted: September 28, 2012In:

    A young immigrant finds himself lost in Mexico City where he meets a charismatic street vendor who introduces him to selling pirate music in the city underground

    ChasFisher

    I agree with Kriss. You have a unique world here, but no conflict or stakes whatsoever. This is more of a premise or hook rather than a logline. What is the fuel that will drive the story?

    I agree with Kriss. You have a unique world here, but no conflict or stakes whatsoever. This is more of a premise or hook rather than a logline. What is the fuel that will drive the story?

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  2. Posted: September 9, 2012

    As a cursed detective struggles to contain the wolf within, he suspects he is being framed for murder. With the true killer desperate to expose the existence of werewolves, the detective must accept the beast within… or be lost to the wolf forever.

    ChasFisher

    Haha! Thanks! I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I felt that having a detective who is (a) a werewolf and (b) framed for murder would be enough of a hook. The detective has not "accepted" his curse as he ties himself up in silver chains every full moon, causing himself agony. The killer indeed knowsRead more

    Haha! Thanks! I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful.

    I felt that having a detective who is (a) a werewolf and (b) framed for murder would be enough of a hook.

    The detective has not “accepted” his curse as he ties himself up in silver chains every full moon, causing himself agony.

    The killer indeed knows he is a werewolf, but sets up a series of horrific murders every full moon in order sow the seeds in the public’s mind whilst at the same time trying to convince the detective to reveal his secret (the detective is obviously not aware that his mentor is in fact the killer).

    In order to prevail, the detective has to actively choose to Turn, to welcome the beast, to do everything he does not believe in.

    And I do need a good logline because I am heading to LA next month to try and get representation. So, given the above story… I need a better logline to address your reactions.

    Thanks so much again for engaging in this conversation!

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  3. Posted: September 9, 2012

    As a cursed detective struggles to contain the wolf within, he suspects he is being framed for murder. With the true killer desperate to expose the existence of werewolves, the detective must accept the beast within… or be lost to the wolf forever.

    ChasFisher

    Hey Sharkeatingman , Thanks for the feedback! Unfortunately your feedback is directed to the story/script and not the logline per se. The script is already written and has attracted a producer and I think I have handled the problems you have raised. I guess the issue your feedback indicates is thatRead more

    Hey Sharkeatingman
    ,

    Thanks for the feedback! Unfortunately your feedback is directed to the story/script and not the logline per se. The script is already written and has attracted a producer and I think I have handled the problems you have raised.

    I guess the issue your feedback indicates is that while my script may be good, the logline does not sell it.

    Any thoughts on how I could improve the logline if the plot is relatively set?

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