1. Posted: January 19, 2017In:

    Your body is the asset, Social class is the Pyramid Scheme. California is the Guinea Pig & Chance is the Prodigal Son.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Wow the readers body is the asset. I am in your script? No? Be specific, it is your friend. When a person social status is based on body a (insert protagonist) must (goal) but (obstacles). Obvious.

    Wow the readers body is the asset. I am in your script?

    No?

    Be specific, it is your friend.

    When a person social status is based on body a (insert protagonist) must (goal) but (obstacles).

    Obvious.

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  2. Posted: January 18, 2017In:

    I mixed two loglines I’ve had before and wrote the one below. What do you think? Thanks for your feedback and help so far! It helped me a lot! – “When an agoraphobe student from New York City falls for a pop star, he must overcome his fear in public or lose her forever.”

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Perhaps a start should be A pop star and an agrophic teen fall in love .... That way we know it isn't a one sided relationship.

    Perhaps a start should be

    A pop star and an agrophic teen fall in love ….

    That way we know it isn’t a one sided relationship.

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  3. Posted: January 17, 2017In:

    A troubled boy, on the run from the law and terribly injured, will be saved after he receives a transplant of the world?s most special heart. But his destiny and all that comes with it will be hard earned as he fights his incredible transformation in every way he can.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Nir is more concise and correct. At a guess his goal/want is not to change. His he now famous because of this special heart and that leads to expectations. Be specific, it is your friend.

    Nir is more concise and correct. At a guess his goal/want is not to change. His he now famous because of this special heart and that leads to expectations. Be specific, it is your friend.

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