1. Posted: August 24, 2016In:

    A young spirited girl acts as guardian to her transgender friend as they go through the tribulations of a small town society. On one unbelievable evening and at great cost the girl transcends as a savior and etches her passion of friendship in time and memory.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    What did she do to etch her passion. That is the story. So I'd start with; A girl and her transgender friend ...... In the face of small town bigotry.

    What did she do to etch her passion. That is the story. So I’d start with;

    A girl and her transgender friend …… In the face of small town bigotry.

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  2. Posted: August 24, 2016In:

    A girl trifles with the dark arts during her mother’s career defining moment.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Good event. What is she hoping to achieve, what happens after what leads up. A girl keen to feel empowered trifles with the dark arts, calling a demon she must defeat or destroy her mum career defining moment. Knock around, wordsmith it to make it tighter.

    Good event. What is she hoping to achieve, what happens after what leads up.

    A girl keen to feel empowered trifles with the dark arts, calling a demon she must defeat or destroy her mum career defining moment.

    Knock around, wordsmith it to make it tighter.

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  3. Posted: August 24, 2016In:

    Revised Logline……When an introverted player from a footy obsessed family, is cut from the team, he joins the cheerleading squad, despite being bullied, he competes at the National Championships, losing his chance of a scholarship but gaining the love of his life.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Can I suggest he missed out on the rugby team and is so obsessed he joins cheerleading just to be near the game.

    Can I suggest he missed out on the rugby team and is so obsessed he joins cheerleading just to be near the game.

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