1. Posted: August 7, 2016In:

    Formerly a gang member, when a gunfight paralyzes an aspiring cook’s hands, she resorts to preparing scalding-hot entrees with her feet to accomplish her dream of becoming a gourmet chef.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Backstory is good, but can be awkward. Hands paralysed by a shooting, this former gang member must learn to cook using her feet to forfil her dream of becoming a chef. I hope this helps

    Backstory is good, but can be awkward.

    Hands paralysed by a shooting, this former gang member must learn to cook using her feet to forfil her dream of becoming a chef.

    I hope this helps

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  2. Posted: August 4, 2016In:

    An examination of sexual relationships, in which three protagonists interact in different combinations.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    So what is the outcomes, what does that drive in the story. Three people enter into sex experiments but it leads to feelings and actions not part of the testing.

    So what is the outcomes, what does that drive in the story.

    Three people enter into sex experiments but it leads to feelings and actions not part of the testing.

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  3. Posted: August 4, 2016In:

    A struggling college student, plagued by his current state of being, discovers a device called the “God Helmet” and becomes the test subject for his Professor’s experiment.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Plagued by his ..... Is too vague. I can't see what that looks like.

    Plagued by his ….. Is too vague. I can’t see what that looks like.

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