1. Posted: October 11, 2015In:

    After his father goes to jail a naive television executive deliberately produces the worst possible shows in order to drop the ratings and prevent his father’s network from being taken over, but the shows he produces become a huge success and he is made to continue making them.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    I have to agree with the previous comment. ?The jail aspect doesn't move the story along and doesn't have a good connection to the stations take over. Plus I found the word "naive" confusing. ?He has come up with an elaborate plan which bumps into the naive description. I like the concept, at the moRead more

    I have to agree with the previous comment. ?The jail aspect doesn’t move the story along and doesn’t have a good connection to the stations take over.

    Plus I found the word “naive” confusing. ?He has come up with an elaborate plan which bumps into the naive description.

    I like the concept, at the moment I am seeing it as a love child of “Major League” and “The Producers”.

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  2. Posted: October 9, 2015In:

    A paranoid security consultant is contacted by an unknown woman claiming he?s the target of an organisation that makes assassinations look like accidents, however, as he struggles to discover why he?s been targeted, he?s confronted with conflicting stories of his own actions.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    I am left with questions about what the story is about. ?I believe leaving your reader with questions is a bad thing. ?I don't want to leave people wondering what the story is. Here is my question. Is it real or does his paranoia make him believe he had uncovered something? Plus the predicting partRead more

    I am left with questions about what the story is about. ?I believe leaving your reader with questions is a bad thing. ?I don’t want to leave people wondering what the story is.

    Here is my question.

    Is it real or does his paranoia make him believe he had uncovered something?

    Plus the predicting part of your line and the accidents are too far apart. ?You need to make a more immediate connection.

    “disguising assassinations as accidents by….”

    I can see where you are headed.

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  3. Posted: October 6, 2015In:

    After a mega storm a single mum rush home to find her teenage daughter missing and an escaped prisoner waiting. She must help him escape to find out what he has done with her daughter.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    A single mum returns home to find her teenage daughter missing and an escaped prisoner waiting. She must him get to his pick up point o find out what he has done with her daughter.

    A single mum returns home to find her teenage daughter missing and an escaped prisoner waiting. She must him get to his pick up point o find out what he has done with her daughter.

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