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When an ambitious underdog makes a pact with the devil, each time he accepts to restrain his freedom to go to some place, the devil grants him a wish, but as he buys his rise in society, his world become smaller and smaller, until he realizes the real consequences for him, his relatives, and humanity and that he needs to break the spell.
Not sure of the story. Is it his rise in society at all costs, is it the relationship with real estate agent or is it the impact on other. What is his ultimate goal? The story is unclear in this logline. Plus selling real estate having an impact on humanity? The consequences don't easily link to theRead more
Not sure of the story. Is it his rise in society at all costs, is it the relationship with real estate agent or is it the impact on other. What is his ultimate goal?
The story is unclear in this logline.
Plus selling real estate having an impact on humanity? The consequences don’t easily link to the story as described.
Wish I had more specific suggestions.
See lessWhen a lone woman driving on an open country road and carrying cocaine that must reach its destination or else is menaced by a deranged truck driver, she must learn how to survive the day.
Must learn, does work because it hints at a life long lesson. If she fails to deliver she'lll be menaced? Doesn't work as it is a little ambiguous. Clear the story up by rewording. You can drop some words as well, a lone woman can become a woman. Hit the beats, On an isolated country road a woman deRead more
Must learn, does work because it hints at a life long lesson. If she fails to deliver she’lll be menaced? Doesn’t work as it is a little ambiguous. Clear the story up by rewording. You can drop some words as well, a lone woman can become a woman.
Hit the beats,
On an isolated country road a woman delivering a car load of cocaine must survive a deranged trucker who is as deadly as failing to deliver the cocaine.
Or something like that. You know your story. Just hit the action beat and avoid description that doesn’t involve the action.
See lessWhen a beautiful young woman is found brutally murdered, a detective must travel to the remote island to find the killer before they kill again!
Give the town's people a goal. Don't know if this is your story, just a suggestion. a beautiful young woman is brutally murdered, a detective travels to the remote island to find that the population is secretive and obstructs the investigation at every turn. Put some oppositional force. Or like suggRead more
Give the town’s people a goal. Don’t know if this is your story, just a suggestion.
a beautiful young woman is brutally murdered, a detective travels to the remote island to find that the population is secretive and obstructs the investigation at every turn.
Put some oppositional force. Or like suggested state a ticking clock leading up to the next murder.
See less