1. Posted: December 30, 2012In:

    After losing their home, a penniless couple launch a clever scheme to become permanent residents at a hotel while evading the staff.

    debbiemoon Penpusher

    Ah, *now* I understand this story! I think clinging to the phrase 'become permanent residents' is doing you no favours, though. It sounds more like they're concocting a legal deal than performing a con trick. Something more along the lines of lines of "a clever scheme to live secretly in a hotel, wiRead more

    Ah, *now* I understand this story!

    I think clinging to the phrase ‘become permanent residents’ is doing you no favours, though. It sounds more like they’re concocting a legal deal than performing a con trick.

    Something more along the lines of lines of “a clever scheme to live secretly in a hotel, without paying, and without getting caught by the staff” is a bit longer, but conveys what’s actually going to happen in the movie much more clearly.

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  2. Posted: December 30, 2012In:

    A man?s wife is murdered while investigating undead shadow people, leading him to delve into the nature of these creatures.

    debbiemoon Penpusher

    Could be interesting; feels a little vague at the moment. What does 'delve into the nature of' actually mean? Is he going to avenge his wife, strike a deal to bring her back to life, find out that she was betraying him with a shadow creature, or that she is one...? All of those are possible from thaRead more

    Could be interesting; feels a little vague at the moment. What does ‘delve into the nature of’ actually mean? Is he going to avenge his wife, strike a deal to bring her back to life, find out that she was betraying him with a shadow creature, or that she is one…? All of those are possible from that logline, yet they’re very different movies…

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  3. Posted: December 30, 2012In:

    A modern day story of Oscar and his loser friends, who stand between him and the woman of his dreams.

    debbiemoon Penpusher

    The problem here is that the logline is vague to the point of saying nothing much. Is this a comedy, a tragedy, a farce? Does he end up with the woman, or choose the friends over her? Why do they stand in his way - deliberately because they think she's wrong for him, or just because he spends more tRead more

    The problem here is that the logline is vague to the point of saying nothing much. Is this a comedy, a tragedy, a farce? Does he end up with the woman, or choose the friends over her? Why do they stand in his way – deliberately because they think she’s wrong for him, or just because he spends more time with them than her? I don’t get any sense of what this movie *is*…

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