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When her male colleagues wager on her best friend’s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.
"When her male colleagues wager on her best friend?s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance." The wager is not the inciting incident. The inciting incident, the event which propels the story is the rape. ?Describe her, what is her personalRead more
“When her male colleagues wager on her best friend?s chastity, a woman remains silent; when the bet ends in rape, she seeks redemption through vengeance.”
The wager is not the inciting incident. The inciting incident, the event which propels the story is the rape. ?Describe her, what is her personality? And what does she need redemption from? Describe the specific way she seeks vengeance. Does she use a knife to slowly mutilate each of the them before killing them? Does she know martial arts? It almost reminds me of Kill Bill.
Example:?When her best friend is raped because of a bet, a woman seeks vengeance against the men who made the bet. (21)
See lessA young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend’s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes.
"A young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend?s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes." You have a clear inciting incident, but it doesn't have a causal relationship with the goal stated. The goal iRead more
“A young na?ve soldier in love gets her leave denied but decides to go AWOL to fulfill her dying boyfriend?s wish only to find out that he has a more sinister plan behind those weary eyes.”
You have a clear inciting incident, but it doesn’t have a causal relationship with the goal stated. The goal is also vague, as is the last part. What plan? Isn’t her real goal to stop this sinister plan?
See lessI suggest reforming the logline around the inciting incident being the soldier discovering the plan and then her goal being to stop it. It doesn’t help to be vague in a logline. You’re pitching it to describe the story you want someone to put money into. Not a vague idea.
To me you don’t have a strong enough hook presented. Why would someone want to read this script? Produce the story? Why would someone want to spend 2 hours watching it? The only thing that sort of hooks me is at the end, buried underneath backstory and vague descriptions.
?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
"?A rogue cop must stop an audacious drug lord from establishing Detroit as the narcotics capitol of the West.?" I think this needs an inciting incident. I am in agreement with dpg(from a past discussion) that action loglines need an inciting incident, to establish why this character would shake upRead more
“?A rogue cop must stop an audacious drug lord from establishing Detroit as the narcotics capitol of the West.?”
I think this needs an inciting incident. I am in agreement with dpg(from a past discussion) that action loglines need an inciting incident, to establish why this character would shake up their status quo in order to put themselves in danger.
So what is it that makes this cop go rogue? To not only risk his freedom and job, but to risk his life to fight against this this drug lord outside of the law?
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